AFC/NFC Championships (a.k.a. Fuck the Super Bowl)

These are the games without all the hype and good commercials and also when we determine which NFC team will get steamrolled in the Super Bowl.

(2) New Orleans vs. (1) Chicago: The last time these teams faced each other, the Bears won 20-17 at Tiger Stadium in a game where Aaron Brooks and Kyle Orton were terrible. So don't take too much from that, but it does concern me how close the game was. Anyway, the Bears shook off last year's loss to Carolina and won their first home playoff game in a long time, which means the pressure's off. That's bad considering how well Rex Grossman does with no pressure. I recall a meaningless Week 17 game against Green Bay in which Grossman scored a rating of 0. Applying the playoff formula (dome teams lose) should assure the Bears a win, but I don't have any reliable stats about how the Saints fare outdoors in January. I am already cringing thinking of Feb. 4 if the Saints win...it's going to sound like "Blah blah blah Hurricane Katrina, blah blah blah Reggie Bush, blah blah blah biggest surprise team BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!" Anyway, it's the playoffs, so defence wins! Bears 26, Saints 21.

NO #1 total offence vs. CHI #5 total defence
NO #11 total defence vs. CHI #15 total offence

NO #5 scoring offence vs. CHI #3 scoring defence
NO #13 scoring defence vs. CHI #3 scoring offence

NO #19 rushing offence vs. CHI #6 rushing defence
NO #23 rushing defence vs. CHI #15 rushing offence

NO #1 passing offence vs. CHI #11 passing defence
NO #3 passing defence vs. CHI #14 passing offence

NO #31 takeaways vs. CHI #28 giveaways
NO #6 giveaways vs. CHI #1 takeaways

NO #28 punt returns vs. CHI #23 punt coverage
NO #7 punt coverage vs. CHI #2 punt returns

NO #14 kick returns vs. CHI #5 kick coverage
NO #16 kick coverage vs. CHI #8 kick returns

Weather forecast at Chicago: Flurries, 32°F

(4) New England at (3) Indianapolis: This is what I like to see...no more #1 and #2 teams. This is what playoffs is all about. The last game between these two was very unusual. First, the Patriots lost at home (Colts 27 Pats 20 was the score,) Vinateiri honked a 37-yarder and a 46-yarder, and Brady threw 4 picks. I am still having a really hard time believing that Indy's defence is that good. I could blame the Ravens loss on poor blocking and poor coaching though. Baltimore seemed to quit as the game went on and the play-calling was rather preposterous. Did anyone get the feeling watching that San Diego game that the Patriots were resurrecting their dynasty? Cripes, I sure did watching that 4th quarter. I'll let the Brady man love continue. Patriots 20, Colts 17.

NE #11 total offence vs. IND #21 total defence
NE #6 total defence vs. IND #3 total offence

NE #18 scoring offence vs. IND #23 scoring defence
NE #2 scoring defence vs. IND #2 scoring offence

NE #12 rushing offence vs. IND #32 rushing defence
NE #5 rushing defence vs. IND #18 rushing offence

NE #12 passing offence vs. IND #2 passing defence
NE #12 passing defence vs. IND #2 passing offence

NE #4 takeaways vs. IND #4 giveaways
NE #17 giveaways vs. IND #22 takeaways

NE #3 punt returns vs. IND #31 punt coverage
NE #26 punt coverage vs. IND #13 punt returns

NE #1 kick returns vs. IND #30 kick coverage
NE #20 kick coverage vs. IND #7 kick returns

NFL Playoffs - Divisional Round

3-1 last week. NFL Playoffs - Divisional Round:

(3) Indianapolis vs. (2) Baltimore: The last time these teams met, the Colts embarrassed the Ravens 24-7 in their 2005 season opener at the RCA Dome. It was the beginning of a 6-10 season for them. This is a completely different Ravens team though. I believe the Ravens are the teams that nobody wants to face in the playoffs. I'm not entirely convinced that the Colts can duplicate their performance on defence (they held the Chiefs to 44 rushing yards.) Plus, I'm thinking the home crowd is going to be relentless on the team that abandoned the city in '84. Ravens 14, Colts 10.

IND #3 total offence vs. BAL #1 total defence
IND #21 total defence vs. BAL #17 total offence

IND #2 scoring offence vs. BAL #1 scoring defence
IND #23 scoring defence vs. BAL #12 scoring offence

IND #18 rushing offence vs. BAL #2 rushing defence
IND #32 rushing defence vs. BAL #25 rushing offence

IND #2 passing offence vs. BAL #6 passing defence
IND #2 passing defence vs. BAL #11 passing offence

IND #22 takeaways vs. BAL #8 giveaways
IND #4 giveaways vs. BAL #2 takeaways

IND #13 punt returns vs. BAL #20 punt coverage
IND #31 punt coverage vs. BAL #24 punt returns

IND #7 kick returns vs. BAL #11 kick coverage
IND #30 kick coverage vs. BAL #11 kick returns

Weather forecast at Baltimore: Cloudy with showers, 42°F

(3) Philadelphia vs. (2) New Orleans: In Week 6, the Saints collected a 27-24 win on a last second field goal set up by an 16-play 8:26 drive. The Eagles could not stop the pass at all as Brees racked up 275 yards and 3 TDs through the air. Losing Lito Sheppard isn't going to make this any easier for them. I'm encouraged that the Eagles aren't as pass wacky as they once were. Last week, they called 37 pass plays and 27 run plays. However, the Saints will likely still control the time of possession and get the last possession and the win. Saints 38, Eagles 35.

PHI #2 total offence vs. NO #11 total defence
PHI #15 total defence vs. NO #1 total offence

PHI #6 scoring offence vs. NO #13 scoring defence
PHI #15 scoring defence vs. NO #5 scoring offence

PHI #11 rushing offence vs. NO #23 rushing defence
PHI #26 rushing defence vs. NO #19 rushing offence

PHI #3 passing offence vs. NO #3 passing defence
PHI #9 passing defence vs. NO #1 passing offence

PHI #14 takeaways vs. NO #6 giveaways
PHI #9 giveaways vs. NO #31 takeaways

PHI #10 punt returns vs. NO #7 punt coverage
PHI #21 punt coverage vs. NO #28 punt returns

PHI #28 kick returns vs. NO #16 kick coverage
PHI #24 kick coverage vs. NO #14 kick returns

(4) Seattle vs. (1) Chicago: The Seahawks visit to Soldier Field in Week 4 resulted in a 37-6 drubbing for their first loss. Hasselbeck and the running game were bruital, Rex Grossman threw 2 TDs and Thomas Jones rushed for 2 more. I've heard a lot about Rex Grossman's extremely poor play lately. It won't matter because the Seahawks are virtually out of their league in this one. The only reason they beat Dallas is because Mike Holmgren craps horseshoes and four-leaf clovers. The balmy 33°F temperature plays in their favour though. Bears 28, Seahawks 7.

SEA #19 total offence vs. CHI #5 total defence
SEA #19 total defence vs. CHI #15 total offence

SEA #14 scoring offence vs. CHI #3 scoring defence
SEA #19 scoring defence vs. CHI #3 scoring offence

SEA #14 rushing offence vs. CHI #6 rushing defence
SEA #22 rushing defence vs. CHI #15 rushing offence

SEA #20 passing offence vs. CHI #11 passing defence
SEA #16 passing defence vs. CHI #14 passing offence

SEA #21 takeaways vs. CHI #28 giveaways
SEA #27 giveaways vs. CHI #1 takeaways

SEA #15 punt returns vs. CHI #23 punt coverage
SEA #17 punt coverage vs. CHI #2 punt returns

SEA #18 kick returns vs. CHI #5 kick coverage
SEA #27 kick coverage vs. CHI #8 kick returns

Weather forecast at Chicago: Rain/snow, 33°F

(4) New England vs. (1) San Diego: The last time these two teams met, the Chargers ran away with it 41-17 There's a thing about San Diego...they have an awesome rushing offence and are almost immune to committing turnovers. When you look at the stats, the Patriots are actually a better team than the Chargers. Dare I give the "defence wins" cliche? I would, but the Chargers defence aren't slouches either. It'll be close. In fact, I'll bite on the upset. Tom Brady is 11-1 as a starter in the playoffs. Patriots 21, Chargers 17.

NE #11 total offence vs. SD #10 total defence
NE #6 total defence vs. SD #4 total offence

NE #18 scoring offence vs. SD #7 scoring defence
NE #2 scoring defence vs. SD #1 scoring offence

NE #12 rushing offence vs. SD #23 rushing defence
NE #5 rushing defence vs. SD #2 rushing offence

NE #12 passing offence vs. SD #13 passing defence
NE #12 passing defence vs. SD #16 passing offence

NE #4 takeaways vs. SD #1 giveaways
NE #17 giveaways vs. SD #15 takeaways

NE #3 punt returns vs. SD #15 punt coverage
NE #26 punt coverage vs. SD #17 punt returns

NE #1 kick returns vs. SD #12 kick coverage
NE #20 kick coverage vs. SD #3 kick returns

Weather forecast at San Diego: Sunny, 59°F

Next week:

New England at Baltimore
New Orleans at Chicago

Atlanta Falcons Year End Report

Another NFL regular season is in the books and once again, the Falcons went home early while 8 teams are left competing for football's ultimate prize.

Meet Bobby Petrino. Well, that was fast. I don't question bringing in a college coach, even after the Nick Saban fiasco, but Rich McKay wanted somebody with head coaching experience. This is good...they'll throughout that West Coast offence garbage and maybe keep running that college option that worked so well early in the season.

Here's some of the good, the bad, and the ugly of the 2006 season:

THE GOOD

Alge Crumpler: The bright spot in the team's passing game. Algernon made the Pro Bowl and caught a career high 8 touchdown passes (and dropped several others, the game in Week 3 against the Saints springs to mind...) and had 38 first downs. If only he were a better blocker...

Jerious Norwood: A 3rd round steal in this year's draft as he (and many other rookie RBs for that matter) managed to outrush Reggie Bush. He had 633 yards for a 6.4 yard per carry average, which was the best in the league among RBs with 20 or more carries. He's the future of this position for the Falcons.

Tyson Clabo: On an O-Line that doesn't know the meaning of the word "blocking," Clabo is the exception. After being undrafted and bounced around on several teams' practice squads and the waiver wire, he earned a starting position this season. Good on ya.

Lawyer Milloy: A veteran presence in the secondary, he surpassed expectations. He has sharp football instincts, and as strong safety, he did his job as he was in on virtually every play and made clean tackles. Unfortunately, he was held without an interception. Hey, at least it worked out way better than the last time the Bills and Falcons did business.

THE BAD

DeAngelo Hall: I know that it's bizarre to put a Pro Bowl selection down here, but he only made it because of 4 INTs and a TD. Those plays were the exception...the norm is for D'Lo to get lit up, give up on plays, and attempt to intercept hail mary bombs when a good DB would simply knock it down. He's a selfish player and deserved every drop of the face-spitting TO gave him.

Edgerton Hartwell: Exposed as a fraud. Jamal Lewis made him look so good in Baltimore that he was signed to the Falcons to a big contract to be a run-stopping middle linebacker. He ended up being injured half the season, and in his absence, Keith Brooking did a better job in the middle than he did. Time to move Jordan Beck up to this position.

Roddy White: Roddy showed flashes of brilliance like in the Dallas game where he racked up 102 receiving yards, but he had a bad case of the dropsies this year. It was bad enough for Jim Mora to sit Roddy's ass on the bench and have Ashley Lelie start in his place (who didn't do a lot better.) As a former first round draft pick in his second year, I expected to see a lot more development than this.

Michael Koenen: I'm kind of reaching with this one, but Koenen was so bad in the placekicking department that the front office had to thaw out Morten "Old Balls" Anderson to take over those duties. After hammering a 58 yarder for the franchise record last season, Koenen missed on tries of 50, 50, 30, 36, 30, and 40 in the first two games of the season. However, I might as well give the blame to the field goal/punt unit as a whole because two of those tries were actually blocked, and the next game, the Saints managed to block a punt for a TD. Three blocks in three games? Come on guys, one is too many for the season!

THE UGLY

Matt Lehr: A friggin' turnstile, and a steroid monkey to boot. When you play left guard, and the quarterback is left hand, which way is he going to go? Maybe to the left? Which means it might be a good idea to block somebody instead of watching as Vick gets sacked yet again. And if you're going to cheat and break the substance abuse policy, you should at least have something to show for it!

Jim Mora: This is more of an afterthought, but he still deserves a mention. His antics both on and off the field were an embarrassment to himself and to the team. I scarcely need to mention that squeaky-clean owner Arthur Blank had no patience for that shit. After going 11-5, he posted an 8-8 season despite starting 6-2 and took the team to 7-9 this year despite starting 5-2.

Michael Vick: He had a career high for passing TDs (20) and rushing yards (1076). So what's the deal? As pictured above, Vick's antics created a sideshow for the Falcons and an unnecessary distraction. The Ron Mexico scandal put him on thin ice, and now that ice has broken. It's time fans stopped saying "All he does is win games," because he no longer does.

NFL Playoffs: Wildcard Round

The early Super Bowl pick: Early in the season, I picked the Cowboys vs. Dolphins. I will go with the Eagles in the NFC, and I will go with the Chargers in the AFC, with the Chargers winning the big game in a rout.

(6) NY Giants vs. (3) Philadelphia: A closely matched game between division rivals. The season series was split between the two with the Giants winning at the Linc. It was especially frustrating for the Eagles because they flushed a 24-7 lead going into the 4th quarter. Not only that, but a personal foul by Trent Cole with 7 seconds left put the Giants into field goal range for the game-tying FG. The tables have turned since then; Jersey/A has no momentum, losing 2 of its last 8 and the Eagles have all the momentum, winning 5 in a row. I'll put this one on coaching: Fat Andy has had playoff success and Tom "Mr. Personality" Coughlin hasn't. And, don't look now, but the Eagles have something that resembles a running game. Eagles 27, Giants 21 in overtime.

NYG #14 total offence vs. PHI #15 total defence
NYG #25 total defence vs. PHI #2 total offence

NYG #11 scoring offence vs. PHI #15 scoring defence
NYG #24 scoring defence vs. PHI #6 scoring offence

NYG #7 rushing offence vs. PHI #26 rushing defence
NYG #14 rushing defence vs. PHI #11 rushing offence

NYG #19 passing offence vs. PHI #9 passing defence
NYG #28 passing defence vs. PHI #3 passing offence

NYG #17 takeaways vs. PHI #9 giveaways
NYG #18 giveaways vs. PHI #14 takeaways

NYG #16 punt returns vs. PHI #21 punt coverage
NYG #3 punt coverage vs. PHI #10 punt returns

NYG #30 kick returns vs. PHI #24 kick coverage
NYG #18 kick coverage vs. PHI #28 kick returns

Weather forecast at Philadelphia: Light rain, south wind at 5 km/h, 50°F

(5) Dallas vs. (4) Seattle: Dallas has skidded into the playoffs winning only one of their last three. Lucky for them, Seattle's skidding too. Well-coached teams have figured out how to beat Tony Romo. The two teams have identical records, with Dallas going 9-7 the hard way (against a GOOD division, that is.) It is irrational for me to pick Seattle since they are outmatched in almost every statistical category I listed below. The last meeting between these two at Qwest Field, as most of you will recall, involved a terrible decision to pass on 3rd and 7 with 14 seconds to go, game tied at 10. The result: interception, and Josh Brown's 50 yard figgie made the Seahawks 5-2. To add to the misery, Jose Baby Cortez had honked a 29 yard attempt wide left earlier and it ultimately cost him his roster spot. Much is being made of Seattle missing its two starting corners. I don't understand why. Trufant is overrated, Herndon just plain sucks, and beside, they have the second best free safety in the NFC (Ken Hamlin.) I guess it might have something to do with T.O. That said, a Cowboys win wouldn't surprise me at all...they were road warriors this season and the Seahawks faltered at home to lesser teams. Seahawks 23, Cowboys 20.

DAL #5 total offence vs. SEA #19 total defence
DAL #13 total defence vs. SEA #19 total offence

DAL #4 scoring offence vs. SEA #19 scoring defence
DAL #20 scoring defence vs. SEA #14 scoring offence

DAL #13 rushing offence vs. SEA #22 rushing defence
DAL #10 rushing defence vs. SEA #14 rushing offence

DAL #5 passing offence vs. SEA #16 passing defence
DAL #24 passing defence vs. SEA #20 passing offence

DAL #9 takeaways vs. SEA #27 giveaways
DAL #21 giveaways vs. SEA #21 takeaways

DAL #21 punt returns vs. SEA #17 punt coverage
DAL #25 punt coverage vs. SEA #15 punt returns

DAL #9 kick returns vs. SEA #27 kick coverage
DAL #2 kick coverage vs. SEA #18 kick returns

Weather forecast at Seattle: Cloudy with showers, south wind at 5 km/h, 39°F

(6) Kansas City vs. (3) Indianapolis: I was surprised that the Chiefs were even in the playoff hunt last week. Indy had the last ranked rushing defence in the league, allowing all 16 of their opponents to rush for over 100 yards and allowed a franchise-worst 5.3 yard per carry average. The Chiefs and Larry Johnson will be able to exploit that to keep the clock on their side and keep the Colts' offence off the field. The Colts have honked out of the playoffs early for the past four years and have everything to lose. The Chiefs, on the other hand, were very lucky to make the playoffs and therefore have nothing to lose. Teams like that are always dangerous. The only thing that worries me is that the Colts were unbeaten at home this season, and the Chiefs are 0-3 at the RCA Dome. Chiefs 31, Colts 28.

KC #16 total offence vs. IND #21 total defence
KC #16 total defence vs. IND #3 total offence

KC #15 scoring offence vs. IND #23 scoring defence
KC #12 scoring defence vs. IND #2 scoring offence

KC #9 rushing offence vs. IND #32 rushing defence
KC #18 rushing defence vs. IND #18 rushing offence

KC #22 passing offence vs. IND #2 passing defence
KC #18 passing defence vs. IND #2 passing offence

KC #11 takeaways vs. IND #4 giveaways
KC #15 giveaways vs. IND #22 takeaways

KC #23 punt returns vs. IND #31 punt coverage
KC #14 punt coverage vs. IND #13 punt returns

KC #24 kick returns vs. IND #30 kick coverage
KC #22 kick coverage vs. IND #7 kick returns

Weather forecast at Indianapolis: They play indoors...

(5) NY Jets vs. (4) New England: I'm sorry, but Jersey/B is a pretender. When you beat Miami 13-10 in a sleeper and beat Oakland 23-3 in the final two weeks, that qualifies as backing into the playoffs. Still, I love a playoff game between division rivals. The Jets won at Gillette Stadium earlier this season in a pretty fantastic 17-14 game that saw both offenses working out of the no huddle quite a bit. But the bottom line is that the Patriots become a different team when the post-season rolls around...every year I predict they'll lose and every year they prove me wrong. Patriots 20, Jersey/B 10.

NYJ #25 total offence vs. NE #6 total defence
NYJ #20 total defence vs. NE #11 total offence

NYJ #7 scoring offence vs. NE #2 scoring defence
NYJ #6 scoring defence vs. NE #18 scoring offence

NYJ #20 rushing offence vs. NE #5 rushing defence
NYJ #24 rushing defence vs. NE #12 rushing offence

NYJ #17 passing offence vs. NE #12 passing defence
NYJ #14 passing defence vs. NE #12 passing offence

NYJ #24 takeaways vs. NE #17 giveaways
NYJ #12 giveaways vs. NE #4 takeaways

NYJ #19 punt returns vs. NE #26 punt coverage
NYJ #9 punt coverage vs. NE #3 punt returns

NYJ #5 kick returns vs. NE #20 kick coverage
NYJ #9 kick coverage vs. NE #1 kick returns

Weather forecast at Foxborough: Sunny, 46°F

Alrighty then, next week we have some fantastic looking games:

Seattle at Chicago
Philadelphia at New Orleans
New England at Baltimore
Kansas City at San Diego

Go Stelmach (Part 4)

This should be the last post on this blog on the subject of politics until the next election. I will get back to posting about movies and which coaches in professional sports need to be fired.

Earlier, I mentioned the importance of MLAs getting their constituents out to vote for the candidate they're supporting. You Can't Teach That will now evaluate all MLAs who stood behind a candidate. I will do this by finding out how many votes they were able to get for their candidate in their own ridings and what percent of the vote they were able to get.

Stelmach's Supporters:

Ed Stelmach: 4156 votes (89.5%)
Ray Danyluk: 2496 votes (82.6%)
Pearl Calahasen: 891 votes (70.9%)
Lloyd Snelgrove: 1231 votes (66.4%)
Iris Evans: 1493 votes (64.4%)
Ivan Strang: 481 votes (63.4%)
Hector Goudreau: 581 votes (59.2%)
Luke Ouellette: 1385 votes (58.1%)
Fred Lindsay: 909 votes (56.7%)
Doug Horner: 1056 votes (55.3%)
LeRoy Johnson: 985 votes (50.6%)
Dave Hancock: 1909 votes (47.0%)
Lyle Oberg: 1012 votes (46.7%)
Mel Knight: 570 votes (43.8%)
Mark Norris: 919 votes (41.9%)*
Guy Boutilier: 306 votes (36.6%)
George Groeneveld: 901 votes (34.3%)
Carol Haley: 373 votes (18.4%)

*For the purposes of this comparison, the riding used for Mark Norris was Edmonton - McClung.

I'm not really worried about our two amigos from Edmonton because Hancock's auto dialer called me twice. I'm pretty sure he did all he could. Another thing is that they were working against Stephen Mandel's Dinning endorsement.

Dinning's Supporters:

Shiraz Shariff: 1831 votes (86.8%)
Moe Amery: 1247 votes (77.2%)
Harvey Cenaiko: 953 votes (73.5%)
Yvonne Fritz: 840 votes (70.5%)
Len Webber: 897 votes (57.5%)
Wayne Cao: 374 votes (56.8%)
Ron Liepert: 1564 votes (56.7%)
Gary Mar: 696 votes (56.6%)
Ron Stevens: 981 votes (54.7%)
Dave Rodney: 993 votes (53.9%)
Heather Forsyth: 988 votes (53.6%)
Alana DeLong: 903 votes (52.5%)
Richard Magnus: 573 votes (50.3%)
Cindy Ady: 809 votes (50.0%)
Denis Herard: 631 votes (49.9%)
Thomas Lukaszuk: 901 votes (49.6%)
Neil Brown: 497 votes (48.5%)
Art Johnston: 673 votes (48.1%)
Greg Melchin: 950 votes (46.9%)
Janis Tarchuk: 653 votes (46.6%)
Gene Zwozdesky: 608 votes (44.5%)
George VanderBurg: 676 votes (41.5%)
Clint Dunford: 542 votes (39.5%)
Rob Renner: 486 votes (37.3%)
Gord Graydon: 505 votes (35.3%)
Frank Oberle: 336 votes (34.6%)
Mary Anne Jablonski: 392 votes (31.3%)
David Coutts: 643 votes (28.7%)
Richard Marz: 680 votes (26.8%)
Len Mitzel: 284 votes (26.8%)
George Rogers: 489 votes (23.9%)
Rob Lougheed: 536 votes (22.5%)
Ken Kowalski: 366 votes (21.2%)
Ty Lund: 239 votes (20.8%)
Ray Prins: 474 votes (19.9%)
Doug Griffiths: 229 votes (16.0%)
Barry McFarland: 382 votes (15.2%)
Mike Cardinal: 219 votes (13.5%)

Looks like Dinning's MLA endorsements couldn't get him past Morton in the rural constituencies.

Supportin' Morton:
Paul Hinman: 1302 votes (61.7%)
Ted Morton: 1367 (51.5%)
Hung Pham: 414 (40.6%)

It should be noted that Cardston - Taber - Warner was Morton's second biggest win...maybe MLA endorsements do matter.

Here are some more stats for you political junkies:

The Toast of Calgary: Jim Dinning won 19 Calgary constituencies and the advance poll by 50% or higher.

The Crust of Calgary: Ed Stelmach's best finish in Calgary was in Calgary - Varsity, with 21.2% of the vote.

The Most Improved Award: Stelmach went from 3.2% in Strathmore - Brooks to 47.6%.

The "We're All PC's Here" Award:
1. Fort Saskatchewan - Vegreville: 4642 ballots cast
2. Edmonton - Whitemud: 4058 ballots cast
3. Lac La Biche - St. Paul: 3022 ballots cast

Props to my home riding, St. Albert, which finished 10th.

The "Couldn't Possibly Care Less" Award:
1. Calgary - Fort - 659 ballots cast
2. West Yellowhead - 759 ballots cast
3. Fort McMurray - Wood Buffalo - 836 ballots cast

Note: Edmonton Advance Poll had a lower turnout than Fort Mac - Wood Buffalo. It could be because the first advance poll was such a mess that most people didn't try to go to this one.

Go Stelmach (Part 3)

WE WIN!!!!!!!

Unofficial results:
Ed Stelmach: 51,764 (35.9%)
Jim Dinning: 51,282 (35.6%)
Ted Morton: 40,976 (28.5%)

Morton is eliminated, then:

Ed Stelmach: 77,577 (58.3%)
Jim Dinning: 55,509 (41.7%)

Wow, my prediction sure was wrong. I never would have thought Stelmach would be leading after the first count. I guess Morton really tapped out all his support in the first ballot. The attacks that Dinning levelled at Morton was a gamble that didn't pay off due to Stelmach's massive #2 turnout on Morton's ballots. Stelmach's MLAs really came through for him while Dinning's sat on their hands. Charisma be damned; I think that somebody so different from Ralph Klein in personality is just what this province needs right now.

Go Stelmach (Part 4) will have a more detailed break down of the results once they're available, but I'm sure Anonymotron's analysis will be way better than mine anyway.

Take that, Jim Dinning's raw ambition! EDDY! EDDY! EDDY!

Go Stelmach (Part 2)

A fairly uneventful week of campaigning. Like I thought, Dinning and Morton swung at each other and Stelmach stayed out of it, and Hancock and Norris endorsed Stelmach. What I didn't count on was Oberg's endorsement of Stelmach. Whether those three can get their supporters to the polls is a whole other story, and I think a good chunk of them might stay home this weekend. But I don't really know...Dave Hancock's auto dialer has called me twice urging me to vote for Stelmach. I think Morton's "capital of northern Alberta" thing was a minor slip of the tongue that the media is blowing out of proportion and I don't think it will hurt his chances. I think that the Dinnites' claim that only 40% of their people bothered to vote is bunk, given that the voter turnout was right around what I expected. But with his large volunteer base, he's probably sold the most memberships this week.

The key to winning is going to be the MLA's supporting each candidate getting their people to the polls. And since Morton has the fewest MLAs on his team, he loses.

Revised Prediction:

Morton: 39.5%
Dinning: 33.9%
Stelmach: 26.6%

Stelmach is eliminated, then:

Dinning: 51.6%
Morton: 48.4%

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!??

Playoffs!? Don't talk about playoffs! I just hope we can win a game, another game! Four game losing streak now! I can't take it anymore!! Jimmy, you are a worse coach than your father, and that is saying a hell of a lot. This is the man who builds up the hopes of Falcons fans worldwide only to fuck everything up in the last half of the season. Don't worry Jimmy, the Saskatchewan Roughriders are looking for a coach. But when you go, please take that retarded monkey skeleton of an offensive co-ordinator with you!


UPDATE: Sports writer par excellence Gregg Easterbrook had this to say:

"As the Falcons have dropped four straight, everyone's focusing on criticizing Michael Vick. What about all the odd coaching decisions made by Mora and his assistants? Vick wasn't the one who ordered himself to take seven-step drops on passes against New Orleans -- something he's never been good at, and which plays away from his strength, the sprint-out pass. (Sprint-outs keep Vick closer to the line and also simplify the field, requiring him to look at only half the coverage, not the entire coverage as in a deep dropback.) Trailing 14-3, Atlanta had third-and-goal on the Saints' 2, on a day the Falcons would rush for 281 yards and average 6.2 yards per rush. Just run the ball! It wasn't Vick who not only called a passing play but a seven-step drop play that required him to run backward to the New Orleans 10; sack, and Atlanta settles for a field goal. You're on the 2, why are you instructing your quarterback to run backward to the 10? Last season's incident in which Mora the Younger did not know that a tie would keep Atlanta alive for the playoffs, and was screaming into a cell phone on the sidelines as he sent in the wrong decisions knocking the Falcons out of the postseason, is hardly the only weird coaching by Mora. Plus, a good coach focuses the criticism on himself, away from his players, a la Bear Bryant. Time to look away from Vick and toward the Atlanta sideline.

Go Stelmach

You Can't Teach That brings you a rare post on the subject of politics.

And then there were three:

Jim Dinning: 29,470 (30.17%)
Ted Morton: 25,614 (26.22%)
Ed Stelmach: 14,957 (15.31%)
Lyle Oberg: 11,638 (11.91%)
Dave Hancock: 7,595 (7.78%)
Mark Norris: 6,789 (6.95%)
Victor Doerksen: 873 (0.89%)
Gary McPherson: 744 (0.76%)

I expected Dinning and Norris' totals to be higher and Stelmach did better than I anticipated. This is a pleasant surprise since I've been a Stelmach supporter for the last couple of months.

Here's what I'm thinking:
-A northern alliance forms with Hancock, Norris and (for what it's worth) McPherson endorsing Stelmach. In fact, Hancock has already given Ed his blessing. I expect Doerksen will support Morton. Oberg could really go either way, but I suspect he'll go with Morton as well (he certainly wouldn't support Dinning...)
-The Dinning and Morton camps will fling crap at each other all week while Stelmach will mostly stay out of it and do the under the radar thing. This could give Ed a lot of second place votes.
-Morton's campaign has the momentum of a runaway freight train. Why is he so popular? Meanwhile, Dinning's continues to stall and continues to resemble Paul Martin's play it safe campaign. Stelmach picked up steam in the last couple of weeks, but I think he threw everything he had at making the second ballot. I'm not sure how much he has left. Dinning should still have plenty of funds.

Here's my early prediction for first place votes, which assumes the vote total from the first ballot remains the same:

Jim Dinning: 35.1%
Ted Morton: 33.6%
Ed Stelmach: 31.3%

Once the second place votes are counted:

Jim Dinning: 52.2%
Ted Morton: 47.8%

I will make a revised prediction late in the week that isn't based on so many assumptions. Let the games begin. Go Stelmach.

UPDATE: Fuck! Daveberta beat me to the Afghan Northern Alliance reference. I'll have to be clever some other time.

Spontaneity

It was 12:15 PM on Saturday. My parents were bugging me about something, (I wasn't really paying attention) my work angst hit an all-time high on Friday, and I was dreading Convocation. So I pulled up my MSN list, clicked on Blobra's name, said "see you in 4 hours" and took off to Calgary. I hadn't been there since July. When we got there, we picked up 24 beers and proceeded to get drunk as fuck. Other events included ending up in Strathmore for dinner at Blobra's mom's house and going to some house party at 2 AM. Unfortunately, I left my fucking camera at home. And then in the morning, I vowed to quit drinking forever and then went home.

The best road trips are the spontaneous ones.

Big Movie Update

I watched some of these such a long time ago that they're out of the theater already. Warning: May contain traces of spoilers and/or plot ending details.

ON THE BIG SCREEN:

Trailer Park Boys: Trailer Park Boys plays like an overlong TV episode. The writers forgot that anything can happen in a TV-based movie, yet they didn't set one toe outside the boundaries of the TV series (except for the frontal nudity.) They also strayed from the "mockumentary" style that the show is filmed in, which made certain elements of the story feel far-fetched and ridiculous. Sometimes, the show is even funnier because the camera guy ducks when there are shots fired and sometimes, crew or equipment are visible (all done intentionally, of course.) Also, there are numerous places where the movie storyline is not synchronized with the TV storyline (i.e. Bubbles' original shed was destroyed by Ricky in a fire and it made no mention of Ricky and Lucy's first wedding) and I consider that a slap to the faces of the show's longtime fans.

The Departed: This is a great spy vs. spy movie where the suspense keeps building. You hardly even notice it's 2 hours and 45 minutes, unlike The Aviator which had some lulls. I was quite surprised to see Jack Nicholson cast instead of Bobby DeNiro, because Bobby would have fit the role quite well, and Jack at age 75 is new to the gangster genre. Nevertheless, he put on a pretty good performance, as did DiCaprio (but not as good as Gangs of NY, or Aviator.) I felt Damon's performance lagged behind the other leads, but that's to be expected. Now I have to go see the Hong Kong version.

Jackass Number Two: Not a movie. Again, more of an overlong TV episode. Of course, the movie has its advantages...the stunts are grosser and/or more expensive and elaborate, and they're allowed to say fuck without having to bleep it out. It also contains more Dave England than the first movie, which is a huge plus. If you were a fan of the first movie, I'd say this one is about on par. It's not much funnier, but it is grosser.

Little Miss Sunshine: I was quite reluctant to see a movie called Little Miss Sunshine, but it came very highly recommended to me from three people with very different tastes in movies. The story itself is not all that original...consider it "The Royal Tenenbaums meets I Heart Huckabees", but the writers still do a wonderful job of putting it all together, and the acting was superb. The way they tied the story in with Proust was just...wow. I think a lot of families can relate in some ways, and some claim to be even more dysfunctional. People who watch movies with me know that movies about midlife crisis get an automatic pass, but the situation with Dwayne really hit home for me. Probably the best movie I've seen all year.

Flyboys: The one major complaint I have about Flyboys is that I could have written it. The story was very weak...there were no surprises because anyone who wasn't born yesterday knew exactly how the next scene was going to go. Also, my hard and fast rule is that filmmakers should not use CGI where they can avoid it. Nearly all of the flying sequences were CGI (but quite well done.) The love story they threw in was very lame, and all the characters were too flat to be in a movie about war heroes.

Flags Of Our Fathers: I was surprised by this one. I hate Paul Haggis and Clint Eastwood (as a director) so much that I almost didn't go. I expected it to be about the Battle of Iwo Jima with some kind of controversial political agenda. I thought they'd ruin it by tying it to euthanasia, like they did with Million Dollar Baby. Thankfully, there was none of that. What you see is what you get. It was very true to the historical facts and even delivered a pretty good theme about war propaganda. Thumbs up all around, especially to Adam Beach who was spectacular as Drunken Ira Hayes. Give him Best Supporting Actor right now.

On Deck: Casino Royale, Bobby, Let's Go To Prison, 10 Items Or Less, The Good Shepherd, Borat

IN THE DVD PLAYER:

Akeelah And The Bee: Yikes. I can see why Oprah would like this movie. It is no different from the "underdog" stories that have been flooding Hollywood for years. Larry Fishburne almost single-handedly saves this movie, as he was quite good. But the tie at the end was just way too cheesy for my liking. I've seen the national spelling bee on ESPN and those kids are more competitive than any professional athlete I've ever seen and would never settle for that.

Cars: A lot of people pass on animated films because of their simplistic writing intended for younger and/or simpler audiences, but to do so is to miss out on some truly great works (Wallace and Grommit, Finding Nemo, South Park, etc.) This one depicts anthropomorphic cars and is very Doc Hollywood-esque. Pixar has given us some great films...having said that, if you take away A Bug's Life, this one is probably the worst. It contains all the cliche themes of a great children's film...the importance of friendship, good sportsmanship, and they throw in a love story for good measure. Still, it has its moments. Made me laugh to beat the band...parts, anyway...

Lucky Number Slevin: What a pleasant surprise this one was. It incorporated plenty of film noir elements and even made a direct reference to North by Northwest in the film. I had to watch the ending twice just so I could put all the pieces together. I also thought it was quite a coincidence that Ben Kingsley got snuffed the exact same way that he did in House of Sand and Fog. Another sad example of a great film that won't even get a sniff at the Oscars.

Poseidon: One of those "spectacle" movies with dazzling special effects and little else. And another example of a remake falling well short of the original. I think it just goes to show how water travel is so much more dangerous than air travel. Right? Right?

The Sentinel: I never sleep on airplanes. The first time I slept on an airplane was when I blew five bucks to watch this movie on Westjet. So that means there's something seriously wrong with it since it was supposed to be an action flick. The ending isn't all that surprising, and the film is entirely dependent on the ending grabbing the audience by the balls. Very disappointing.

24: Season Three: Last season, 24 focused on a nuclear weapon...in season three, a biological weapon. Now they just need a chemical weapon and they've nailed the big three (and are officially out of ideas as far as I'm concerned.) I think that Nina showing up to buy the virus was pretty convenient, and the whole "Jack Bauer in Mexico" thing was rather silly. I don't blame Palmer for being so pissed off at them for hatching that hair-brained scheme.

24: Season Four: Instead of following the format of the previous three seasons (two big storylines) this one had chunklets of about five or six storylines which made it seem too far-fetched to be a terrorist plot. They don't know that the more complicated the plan gets, the greater the chance of something getting fucked up. Marwan escaped so many times that it made CTU look like a dumb bunch of fucks. Overall, I'd say better than season three.

United 93: I hesitated to see this one because I had heard it was critical of the FAA. It's filmed in an unusual way...it reminded me of a reality show and the events took place in real time (Sept. 11 would have made for a good season of 24, yes?) It didn't give a thought to character development, which was a big plus, because it was totally irrelevant to the story (unlike World Trade Centre where the characters were relevant, but poorly developed all the same.)

V For Vendetta: I wish the Wachowskis would simply sell their ideas to the studios rather than trying to write them themselves. This had potential to be a really great movie. It was good...really good, but not great. It had good characters and an interesting setting, but it was a little light on the theme..."fascism bad." They could have done a lot more with this. And they've learned nothing from The Matrix...they attempted a romantic side story in this one too and fell flat on their faces again.

Happy Halloween!

We're #2! We're #2!

I was pleased that the Oilers didn't make a big production out of their second place banner. It was already raised before the game and was simply unveiled before the players came out. It didn't even make the broadcast of the game. The hockey gods, impressed by this modest display, awarded the Oilers the win. Contrast this to Calgary's second place banner raising, which saw them march out the Campbell Bowl and raise it in front of the players with fireworks and all that shit. The hockey gods were annoyed enough to give the Stars a 3-2 victory that night. Since 1999, the Oilers' 45 minute pregame ceremonies for player retirements and the Heritage Classic have angered the hockey gods so much that they would punish the Oilers with a losing streak following these displays.

Football Rivalry Trifecta!

Friday: Edmonton Eskimos beat the Calgary Stampeders 35-24
Saturday: University of Alberta Golden Bears defeat the University of Calgary Dinos 17-15
Sunday: Atlanta Falcons beat the Carolina Panthers 20-6.

Woo-hoo! The weekend could not have gone any better. I was especially pleased with the Falcons win because nobody thought they could do it...not even me. The next two games should prove if they are for real or not.

I was a quite pissed off that the Smos flushed a 16-0 lead over the Stamps but as the clock struck midnight eastern time, the Stamps' cinderella comeback came to an abrupt end as the Smos scored two touchdowns in the span of 6 seconds at the end of the game.

2006 NFL Season Preview

Here's a set of predictions for all thirty-two teams. I'm going to come back to this mid-season and examine just how wrong I was. Last season, I picked the Jets, Raiders, and Ravens to make the playoffs. Oops!

NFC South

New Orleans: The Saints are my dark horse pick this year. They have some serious talent on offence with Drew Brees (plus receivers who put up decent numbers with Aaron fucking Brooks) and Reggie Bush. Not too sure of their defence though. Clearly they’ve learned nothing from Atlanta’s mistake and stuck Bryan Scott at free safety. I think they’ll be an exciting team to watch as they’re going to win a lot of games shootout style. This is a pretty risky pick considering they have a rookie head coach, and that combined with a new QB could be dangerous, but a change may be just what the doctor ordered. I predict that all teams remain in contention to win the division by week 15, and the Saints will take it in week 17.

Atlanta: They’ve upgraded in every area of the game, got rid of the crap players, and even better, they sent their crap players to division rivals. Unfortunately, despite that their rivals have improved too. The receiving corps remains the weakest link but that’s to be expected for a team with the #1 rushing offence in the league. It’ll probably be #1 again this year, especially since TJ Duckett will stop getting carries. The defence worries the hell out of me. If the preseason is any indication, it could be the same old story as last year.
Wins: New Orleans, Arizona, NY Giants, Cincinnati, Detroit, Cleveland, Baltimore, Tampa Bay, Carolina, Washington
Losses: Carolina, Tampa Bay, Pittsburgh, New Orleans, Dallas, Philadelphia

Carolina: If Steve Smith goes down, the Panties are in huge trouble. Keyshawn is not talented enough to carry the team’s passing game. Stephen Davis is not a huge loss for them, but only if DeShaun Foster can keep having the flashes of brilliance he had last season.

Tampa Bay: I’m still trying to figure out why they won the division last season. I think it was because of Jon Gruden’s iron balls. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, putting the Sucs down here where they belong, but I don’t think Chris Simms can do it. However, they do still have rookie of the year Carnell Williams who will continue to do great things for them. The defence remains the same (terrifyingly good) but they are only getting older. Fast young teams will be able to exploit them.

NFC North

Chicago: Molecular geneticist Rex Grossman returns as the starter. I think that time is running out for him and he knows it, so this season, we’ll see what he’s really made of. I think he’s made of china furniture so it’ll probably be the same old story in Chicago with the crappy backup QBs. If Grossman can find Muhsin Muhammed several times a game, they’ve got it made, since the running game with Thomas Jones and oft-injured Cedric Benson will sort itself out.

Minnesota: Evidently, the circus is still in the twin cities, with Koren Robinson’s recent drunk driving charge. They have the Eagles’ old offensive co-ordinator as head coach, so I’m very interested to see how that’s going to turn out. And yes, I still hate Brad Johnson.

Green Bay: Not quite the disaster that last season was. They look better defensively, especially in the secondary. Offence remains the same, but I do have to question Brett Favre’s ability. I honestly believed he wasn’t going to play the season. Hence, the Pack goes here.

Detroit: I wonder what it’s going to take to get the Lions out of this position. It seems like they’re perpetually stuck in the lower third of the league and can’t get out no matter how many top 10 receivers they draft. Apparently, Jon Kitna will be the starting QB. I’ve always thought of Kitna as a very capable BACKUP. Who knows…

NFC East

Dallas: I don’t think the T.O. circus will be enough to hold them back. They finished 9-7 last season and would have won two extra games and sent another to overtime if they had a kicker who didn’t completely suck balls. They thought getting Mike Vanderjagt would fix that, yet they still have two kickers on their roster.

NY Giants: Once again, the Giants look terrifying on offence. Tiki finished second in rushing and young Eli will continue to improve (when he learns to stop throwing while falling backward.) Pass defence is a serious weakness for Jersey/A and every team in their division can effectively put the ball in the air. They also have a tough schedule early on so they might be playing catch-up all year.

Washington: Mark Brunell is too old balls to be the starting QB. They lost a few games last season because they tended to go blitz crazy in 3rd and long situations which translated to easy completions and 1st downs for the other team. Let’s see if they’ve learned anything from that. Losing Portis is bad for them because now they have TJ Duckett, who last season had 5+ carries in every game, yet had two games where he rushed for negative yards. I think that’s some kind of record.

Philadelphia: I’m not sure what to make of the Eagles…they’ve made the NFC Championship game without T.O. so who’s to say it won’t happen again. I guess it does look like their defence is falling apart, so I think that’s a good enough reason to put them in the basement. Stallworth was a good pickup, but the west coast offence will take him some time to get used to. Once he does, he’ll be very productive.

NFC West

Seattle: Undisputed winners of the worst division in professional sports, hands down. They don’t have Steve Hutchinson, and I know that’s going to profoundly affect their running game. Let’s face facts: Alexander is next to nothing without that line. At least they still have Walter Jones. To make matters worse, Alexander’s on the cover of Madden ’07 and that carries a pretty strong curse with it (ask any Falcons fan.) It will be up to Hasselbeck to follow up his breakout season with another outstanding performance, and even without Jurevicius, they should have enough talent at receiver to do so.

Arizona: They added Edgerrin James and if Kurt Warner stays healthy, they should be able to keep the Seahawks playing their starters until about Week 15. On defence, they’re not quite where they should be. And they have to resist the temptation to start Leinart too early.

St. Louis: The Rams look a lot different from Mike Martz’s run and gun type offence. They play a lot more conservatively now. Marc Bulger’s a good quarterback and he still has Torry Holt, so that alone is enough to keep teams honest.

San Francisco: A few months ago I was challenged to name three players on the 49ers and I could only come up with two. That suggests that like Houston they are a bunch of no-names. They had the league’s worst offence and defence last season, so I have no reservations about putting them in the basement for this season.

Now for entertainment purposes, this is how the playoffs might end up:

(6) Atlanta vs. (3) Chicago: Bears
(5) NY Giants vs. (4) New Orleans: Giants
(3) Chicago vs. (2) Seattle: Bears
(5) NY Giants vs. (1) Dallas: Cowboys
(3) Chicago vs. (1) Dallas: Cowboys

AFC South

Indianapolis: Nothing changes here. The Colts pull off some regular season dominance and then wheeze out in the playoffs. They have no running game to speak of anymore, which means they’re in big trouble against teams with good pass defence.

Jacksonville: Leftwich will need to prove that he should still be the starter over David Gerard. There’s a lot of talent on that team on both sides of the ball and they should have quite a strong finish, but not quite enough to return to the post-season.

Tennessee: Vastly improved now with Vince Young. The Titans are slowly getting themselves out of cap hell and getting rid of McNair was a good start. However, they’ll be playing Billy Volek for the time being which automatically puts them out of contention.

Houston: Oh lord…The Texans didn’t do anything to help their cause this offseason, except for Jeb Putzier (good pickup.) Poor David Carr can’t show the league what he can really do if he’s constantly getting cranked behind the worst O-line ever. And I think that Super Mario is a combine freak who won’t live up to his expectations. He’ll be a decent D-lineman, but unspectacular. And losing Dominick Davis leaves them with no running game whatsoever.

AFC North

Pittsburgh: There’s controversy surrounding Bill Cowher and Roethlisberger can’t seem to stay healthy (like last season.) I think the accident has kind of fucked him up. The good news is that all their rivals are in a similar position. I guess we’ll see what Roethlisberger’s really made of since he’s lost another target. The good news is that Willie Parker is awesome, and forget about Jerome Bettis, I don’t think he was as important in the last season as some people made him out to be.

Cincinnati: A lot of questions going into this season, the main one being Carson Palmer’s health. I don’t think management is overly concerned though…they’ve brought in Anthony Wright and Doug Johnson (yes, the same Doug Johnson of the 5-13 Atlanta Falcons fame) so if Palmer goes down, watch out!! Also, Odell Thurman has received the Ricky Williams vacation (4 games, not a stint with the Argos…yet) and they’ve had 4 other players arrested on various charges this off-season. That’s enough of a distraction to lose them the division, but not a wildcard.

Cleveland: I believe in Charlie Frye. However, the Browns seemed to be cursed as they’ve run into quite a bit of bad luck this pre-season. The big one is losing LeCharles Bentley for the season…he was the missing piece of the puzzle. But I think that Frye will be able to find Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow enough times to win a couple more games this season.

Baltimore: They’ve landed a proven QB in McNair, but as with any other year, he won’t be able to stay healthy. If that was the case, Baltimore has enough talent on offence to win a fair number of games. It’s now or never for the Ravens who, after this season, will have some serious cap issues, so desperation may take over. It should be interesting.


AFC East

Miami: What a cupcake schedule the Dolphins have. The Dolphins are poised to become a breakout team this season. They finished 9-7 last season despite and have now added Daunte Culpepper. I can’t believe they squandered the chance to add another locker room cancer by cutting little Vick.

New England: Eventually, people get tired of the success story and they want to see them lose. But I don’t know…the Patriots always do so well in the draft and they have one of the best coaches football has ever seen. Overall, I’m not impressed with this year’s Patriots team, but Tom Brady might be able to make his crap receivers look good.

NY Jets: Pennington is the undisputed starter. I think he can do good things for this team. His rating is in the low 90s but it will be the defence which holds them down in this tight division.

Buffalo: Oh hallelujah, the Bills’ problems are solved. Haven’t you heard? Peerless is back in town! And, uh…yeah…never mind! If reuniting him with Bledsoe in Dallas couldn’t work out his issues, then I think he’s been lost forever. And they’ve learned nothing since JP Losman is the starter again.

AFC West

Denver: So Tatum Bell is the man…All Denver had to do was keep its team together as they had very little gaps to fill, but that was tricky given their cap situation. As a result, Mike Anderson is gone and that’ll hurt the league’s #2 rushing offence. Jake Plummer had quite a season in ’05, and I think he’ll be able to do more of the same,

Kansas City: Losing Willie Roaf is a huge blow, but Larry Johnson was able to work his magic without Roaf for some games last season. The Chiefs look very impressive on paper, and might just have enough to get back to the playoffs.

San Diego – The Philip Rivers show is not all that it is cracked up to be. That being said, I am still very, very hesitant to put a team with Antonio Gates and LaDanian Tomlinson behind the Chiefs. But I put them here because of their weak finish last season and with Brees gone, things can only get worse. Great run defence, but still pretty bad against the pass.

Oakland: The Raiders should be all set up at corner for the foreseeable future with Michael Huff and Fabian Washington. Aaron Brooks is the new guy in town and I can’t see him winning comeback player of the year. So the Raiders stay in the cellar for another season. Maybe they should begin the thawing of Rich Gannon…

(6) Kansas City vs. (3) Pittsburgh: Chiefs
(5) Cincinnati vs. (4) Denver: Broncos
(6) Kansas City vs. (1) Indianapolis: Colts
(5) Cincinnati vs. (2) Miami: Dolphins
(2) Miami vs. (1) Indianapolis: Dolphins

SUPERBOWL XLI:
Miami vs. Dallas: Cowboys win.

And last but not least, Week 1 predictions. I didn't add my comments like I normally do because this damned post is long enough. If you want the comments, you have to subscribe to my weekly NFL e-mail.

Miami
Carolina
Tampa Bay
New England (Lock)
Kansas City
Denver
New Orleans
Tennessee (Pepto)
Philadelphia
Seattle
Chicago
Jacksonville
Arizona
Indianapolis
Washington
Oakland

You Can't Teach That Birthday Special

Though I never thought that we could lose
There's no regret
If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, Fernando...

I guess I have to do the Stallions year end report in this post. I didn't think I would have to. The season's over now because we lost to the Calgary Gators 30-14 on Saturday. They were a totally different team than the one we played on July 8, and they just kind of got the better of us. We also had some bad luck on a few plays, but that always happens and it goes both ways so no need to think "what if." At the end of it all, it was a privilege to call myself a part of that team and to be on the same field as some of those guys. I just wish I could have made more of a contribution than I did. But my streak of never missing a regular season football practice is still intact and I felt that I improved a lot. I plan to keep working in the offseason, and I hope to join the team again next season if they will have me back. It will be very strange not having practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I know that I am going to miss it a lot in about a month or so just like I did with the Spartans.

My birthday was today and I watched Beerfest and went for dinner at Ric's Grill in St. Albert which is almost too classy for me. Excellent food and excellent wine, but I likely won't remember too much of it, since kids only remember bad birthdays.

Let's see what's been going on in movies and TV lately:

Batman Begins: It's not like the other Batman movies, except that it's dark and gothic like all the other ones. Christian Bale plays the lead surprisingly well, but maybe I'm biased by the lousy performances of George Clooney and Val Kilmer in the previous sequels. It's not really like other superhero movies because there isn't really a true supervillain in this one. The bad guys are closer to common criminals. Anyway, I could go either way on this one...nothing to write home about, but not bad either.

Beerfest: All the same producers, writers, and actors as Super Troopers, so if you liked that film, chances are you'll like this one too. Super Troopers was better though. Same style of humour, and it isn't too preachy about the negative effects of heavy drinking either. There's a disclaimer at the beginning and a little blurb in the middle about how Beerfest is ruining the characters' lives, but that's about it. There are some fall down funny parts and some gross out parts but overall, it's pretty funny. Reminded me a little bit of Lister.

Ladder 49: First of all, I knew Johnny Cash was going to get roasted after watching the first five minutes, and it's really sappy that way. It also seemed a little unrealistic to me...I don't think emergency services workers can be that dramatic otherwise the job would wear on them too much. Some of the paramedics I know have a really twisted sense of humour, but in their words it's kind of like "If you don't laugh, then you've got to cry." Rescue Me is more like that and it's sometimes billed as a dark comedy so as far as fire fighting shows go, I prefer Rescue Me.

Lost in Translation: This was my second attempt at this film. The first time I saw it, I was drunk or passed out (or both) and didn't follow it as closely as I should have. As I've said numerous times, I'm extremely biased toward midlife crisis films, so naturally, I liked this movie. The two main characters are named Bob and Charlotte. Bob is middle-aged and is always away from his family and can't communicate with his wife. Charlotte is almost in the same boat except that her husband is always away and she is much younger. They both have something to offer each other. Bob gives Charlotte the attention and humour she needs and Charlotte kind of helps reconnect Bob to his life. In contrast to Bob's wife, Charlotte communicates well with Bob and they can openly discuss things about the meaning of life, why we're here, where we're going, etc. The first time I saw it, I didn't like it because nothing really happens in the movie, but it's more about the characters than anything. If you don't like movies where two characters just talk, then you won't like it. I for one thought it was well done and very well written.

Rescue Me Season Three: Pretty much the only show I stay up to date with on a weekly basis. This is a great show because Denis Leary just plays an angry guy, which he does so well. As for season three, I thought there were a couple of episodes that just kind of lagged and didn't contribute anything to the big picture. I'll reserve judgement until I see the season finale on Wednesday though. All drama shows kill off characters periodically to keep the audience interested and to throw in twists, but in Rescue Me, most of the dead characters end up coming back as ghosts who can interact and communicate with Denis Leary only. Anyway, if you want to watch a show about firefighters with booze and drug problems, then this is the show for you. If you want to get into this show, just make sure you pay close attention to the character development because that's really important if you want to fully understand what's going on, especially in the newer episodes.

Snakes On A Plane: This is quite a masterpiece alright. I set the bar very low heading into this one obviously. I enjoyed how the movie poked fun at itself at times. For a movie that cheesy, you pretty much have to in order to keep the audience from constantly rolling their eyes, so kudos to the director. I think that films should avoid using CGI wherever it's possible, because it made the snakes look pretty fake. And I am going to pick apart the flying. No airline should ever use a 747 between Honolulu and Los Angeles because it makes little economic sense. The pilots were communicating with ATC remarkably well for having "Lost all avionics!" and why would a plane enroute IFR at 35,000 feet be talking to the tower at LAX? The airplane didn't overspeed as it fell from 35,000 feet. Its rapid descent continues to less than 200 feet and than miraculously recovers. In real life, a heavy aircraft like that one descending so rapidly would be fucked at about 5,000 feet if corrective action wasn't taken. If a 747 bounced like that on landing, a tire would probably have blown or the gear would have collapsed altogether. And he kept the plane tracking straight down the runway remarkably well down the runway considering the tailwind and was able to stop it in under 10,000 feet without the use of the thrust reverser and minimal brakes, which is pretty good considering the things approach at about 130-140 knots with full flaps. Ye Gods!

24 Season Two: Superior to season one. I can offer the same criticisms as season one though. I couldn't turn the show off as they were scrambling to find the bomb, but then after the bomb went off, I thought "How can they possibly fill 8 more hours??" It got a little dry and political from there and there was very little suspense. It picked up more toward the end, but it took Jack so long to get the evidence that the Cyprus recording was fake that it was almost a comedy of errors.

World Trade Center: This one was quite disappointing because my mom hyped it up way too much. It attempts to be a story of setting and a story of character and really fails at both. To be a story of setting, it would have to go into greater details of the actual World Trade Center disaster in kind of a minute by minute fashion, preferrably in real-time (kind of like United 93) but that would create too much of a spectacle out of the disaster. Even though this movie makes no attempt to glorify anything about September 11, 2001, some people still feel this movie was made too soon, so Oliver Stone was walking on eggshells right from the get-go. And to be a story of character, I think I would have to know a little bit more about the characters than just the banter between the two leads John and Will while they were pinned under the rubble. However, to accomplish this, they would have had to do some scenes taking place in the days before September 11, 2001 which would have made the movie about 4 hours long. The performance of Michael Pena was about the only saving grace in this film.

Also, this blog has been up for one year. Birthday wishes also to youcantteachthat.blogspot.com

Signed to Four Month Deal

I still can't believe my good fortune in the last six weeks. The other day, I learned that one of the ladies in the lab was going back to school in the fall to pursue a career in nursing, so my boss offered me an extension. Of course I snapped it up because I'm not particularly interested in learning a new job right now even though the pay might be better. I'm especially not interested in being unemployed and not making any money either.

Also, the Falcons traded piece of garbage T.J. Duckett to Washington for receiver Ashley Lelie from Denver, who received a third round pick from Washington. In 2005, Ashley (which is a girl's name) started in 13 games for the Broncos and caught 42 passes for 770 yards and 1 TD. The low number of catches and the single TD is worrisome, but 30 of his catches were for first down, and Duckett was expendable anyhow since Warrick Dunn was going to be the #1 guy at RB anyway. They needed a receiver after losing The White Guy. The White Guy was the so-called "third down" receiver on the Falcons with 50 catches and 31 first downs so I think Lelie will step into this role quite nicely. I like this trade. Rich McKay is a genius and I think I have a man-crush on him.

I'll keep the terrible 80s videos coming, it's just that I have to write the posts in HTML so it takes forever to do each one.

When does NFL start?

Well Danny Nocoachia, losing 4 of 5 in an 18 game season is completely unacceptable. Say what you will about the margin of losing and being a "young team." I'll see you in the unemployment line at Canada Place in September, bitch. At least we'll always have your gay little celebration on 2nd down in the Grey Cup to remember you by.

Terrible 80s Video #8

8. Tracey Ullman - They Don't Know




Quite a lot to pick apart with this one. There's a guy in a gold speedo playing the chimes at the beginning, Tracey stands over the ball return at the bowling alley as balls roll between her legs, there are cut scenes of home movies (presumably Tracey as a kid?) and there's this bizarre line dancing thing right in the middle. Then it cuts to Tracey looking like a knocked up alcoholic housewife shopping for groceries. They get a couple things right though...Tracey does the right thing by leaving the guy with the creeper 'stache and I get a kick out of the three-wheeled car. But yes, that is Paul McCartney at the end. Apparently, that's what she sees when she looks at the guy with the creeper 'stache. Or something. I have a hard time making sense of this one.

Terrible 80s Video #9

9. Styx - Mr. Roboto




This video is pretty much a literal translation of the lyrics, which I hate to begin with. The light show is just cheesy and the creepy expression on the faces of the robots will be in my nightmares for a long time, especially that one that's grinning. Shudder. At least the robots are doing "The Robot," one of the few redeeming features of this video that keeps it from ranking even lower. I hope the editor for this video never worked again because of the crappy transitions like the one shot that comes in from the corner and the other one that kind of flips into the middle. Totally unnecessary.


I think the song is awesome and Dennis DeYoung is the second greatest synthesizer player ever (Steve Winwood has the edge on him.)