Thursday, December 06, 2007
Do I have an original thought in my head, my bald head? Maybe if I were happier my hair wouldn’t be falling out. Life is short. I need to make the most of it. Today’s the first day of the rest of my life. I’m a walking cliché. I really need to go to the doctor and have my heart checked. There’s something wrong. Maybe if I were happier, my blood pressure would be normal. The dentist called again; I’m way overdue. If I stopped putting things off, I would be happier. All I do is sit on my ass. I should start jogging again. Five miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing. I need to turn my life around. What do I need to do? I need to fall in love. I need to have a girlfriend. I need to read more and prove myself. What if I learned Russian or something? Or joined a band? I could speak Chinese. I would be the lab technician who speaks Chinese and plays in a ska band. That would be cool. I should get my hair cut short; stop trying to fool myself and everyone else into thinking I have a full head of hair. How pathetic is that? Just be real, confident. Isn’t that what women are attracted to? Men don’t have to be attractive. But that’s not true, especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days. If I had money I would be happier. I wouldn't have to drive an 88 Jetta with the bumper falling off. Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize for my existence? Maybe it’s my brain chemistry. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me: bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I need to get help for that. But I’ll still be ugly though. Nothing’s going to change that.