On August 13, 2002, I received a rejection letter from the Canadian Forces. I was dependent upon joining the reserves to finance my education and to give me a challenge, so this turned my world upside down.
Almost four years later, on May 10, 2006, I received a phone call telling me that I did not meet the requirements to graduate from university. After four years of torment and suffering to earn a piece of paper, I was crushed to find out that it wasn’t over.
Both of these were pretty borderline calls. What’s the difference between them? I chose to fight the university decision.
I chose to fight it. And I won.
I can hardly believe it. During the last month or so I had completely resigned myself to the fact that I would have to do one more semester. I had learned to suck it up. But I needed to know for sure from the university that they didn’t make the decision on my graduation status in error. After perusing the university calendar for a loophole, I found one that I might have been able to exploit. As I pointed out earlier, in the Immunology and Infection section of the calendar, it does not state that you need a 2.3 GPA in your final year. This was the basis for my graduation denial. But it does say you need a 2.3 GPA in your final year for other programs. I highlighted this fact in a written letter to the Chair of the department of biological sciences. I knew this was a long shot, so I did not get my hopes up. I guess they decided that they can’t go by rules that aren’t written in the calendar, so they ruled in my favour. Score one for justice! It’s good to know that some people in the ivory tower still have a mind for what is fair. A faculty of science advisor told me not to appeal. My program advisor told me not to bother appealing. The Ombudservice was of no use to me. But I did it anyway.
I’ve spent the last four years feeling incompetent, dumb, inferior, and mediocre. If my Grade 12 self saw what I have become, he would certainly wonder what the fuck happened. My Grade 12 self was a hell of a lot more confident, sometimes to the point where he could come off as smug, arrogant and self-centred. He had a lot of optimism and was excited about leaving high school and pursuing the successes and opportunities that the university experience bestows on everyone. I certainly see things a lot differently now. I used to think that anything was possible if you dedicated yourself and believed in it. I came here expecting to be on the brink of something extraordinary after university. I expected some kind of post-graduate degree to be in the works. These last 8 months, all I wanted to do was pass my classes, get the fuck out, and fly planes for a living. And that got me to thinking…if there’s one thing I learned during my four years here…it’s that I have no business in a career in immunology and infection or health science in general…well, I guess that alone was worth the price of admission. A lot of people go to university to find something they enjoy and constantly change their majors and are here forever. But I think finding out what you don’t enjoy can be just as valuable…sort of. Back in Grade 12, certain people had successfully convinced me when I wanted to pursue a career in aviation, that aviation wasn’t good enough, that a university degree would be necessary to get me toward a good job that I loved, and that being a “glorified bus driver” wasn’t the way to white collar high fucking society. But how can that be more important than being able to look forward to going to work in the morning? Would I be better off if I was an engineer who hated his job? All those people who show up to work because it’s a job and they can make a living from it are all suckers. I think Dane Bullerwell said it best: “Every day I spend doing something because I’m good at it or because it’s tolerable – and not because I really enjoy the work – a little part of me dies.”
I can’t help but feel that this place brought out the worst in me. Whenever someone accomplished something good, I couldn’t be happy for them, I would actually find myself giving them dirty looks. I think it’s because I don’t like being constantly ranked, graded, and evaluated, and that’s all I’ve had throughout my life. Here, it doesn’t matter if you know 90% of the course material inside and out. If everyone else in the class knows more than you, you can still end up with a shitty grade.
If I had it all to do over again, would I? There are definitely things that I would do differently, but I have met a lot of great friends here, and I had the opportunity to play hockey for the first time, it got me a job working in the breweries, and at least it got me the hell out of Strathmore.
And maybe, I worried about things too much. I was sick of always worrying about that next midterm, the due date of that assignment, how much money was in my bank account, etc. And the worst part is that I just let out all my neg-head downer shit on everyone else. I was pretty miserable to my friends, roommates, classmates, and family, especially in the last 8 months. This is just selfish and inexcusable. So I guess the truth is that I’m a bad person. But, that's going to change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and
choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suit, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die.
