NFL Week 8

The Falcons are off this week, so I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Smos and Oilers both won last night. Sean Fleming was the Monster Performer (for the second week in a row) with 5 field goals and a fumble recovery. Our normal Smos group of 7 was down to 1 last night though, which kind of sucked since I couldn't punch dance, couldn't yell at the defence, and couldn't sing the fight song. Clearly, the 4 beers I had before the game were not enough for me to lose my inhibitions...I should have just kept drinking while I was there. Oh well, if I'm ever going to see a Falcons home game, it'll probably be by myself as well, and it's not as horrible as I thought it might be.

I also had 5 games right on my point spread ticket last week, meaning I'm 80 bucks richer. Woohoo!

Arizona at DALLAS: That Seattle game last week was vintage Bledsoe. Still, their defence was impressive against a very good Seahawks offence and the Cardinals should have their hands full this week. Boys by 14.

Chicago at DETROIT: Detroit's passing stats are a little misleading right now, and Chicago is one of the better team's against the pass. I don't know who to go with...both teams are such a mystery to me, so I'll just pick the home team in this case. Lions by 3.

CLEVELAND at Houston: Is this that magical week that the Texans finally get in the win column?? Even though this is a nothing game in the grand scheme of things, I had to take a good long look at it. Scoring offence: Browns 30th, Texans 31st. What concerns me is Cleveland's run defence...it's not good, and last week, the Texans put together a touchdown drive consisting of 13 run plays and 1 pass play. Domanick Davis, while ranked 14th in rushing yards, only has a single touchdown. Cleveland has only allowed 3 rushing touchdowns all season, and an average of 17.2 points a game. Houston still hasn't led in a game all season. Texans will win a game this season...it'll be against the 49ers in Week 17. Browns by 3.

Green Bay at CINCINNATI: Let's see if the Pack can do their magic trick again...make a 14 point lead disappear. And more injuries on offence for Green Bay this week...what a shocker. Carson Palmer looked almost human last week, but that was against the Steelers. Bengals offence will be too much for the Pack to stop. Bengals by 14.

JACKSONVILLE at St. Louis: Les Mouflons sure had a huge comeback against the Saints. This one lies solely on Byron's shoulders, as Les Mouflons have allowed 14 passing TDs on defence this season. The Jags will probably let Steven Jackson run all over them, but they've only allowed 2 rushing TDs all season. Jaguars by 3.

Minnesota at CAROLINA: A pretty flukey win by Minnesota last week, but now they're on the road to face the Panties, fresh off their bye week. Still, NFC North teams are 1-10 on the road, and I have to keep playing that stat. Panties control the ball possession with their running game and Minny's lack of run defence, but the Panties pass defence will let Minny get a few scores, especially if the Culcrapper days are over. Panties by 3.

OAKLAND at Tennessee: Air McNair is the likely start for this game. Raiders have lost two DBs to injuries, and the Raiders don't have a very good pass defence to begin with, but Drew Bennett being out as well kind of makes up for it. Randy Moss is questionable, but he wasn't supposed to play last week either. I noticed the Raiders haven't won on the road, but those losses were against New England and Philadelphia. Raiders by 14.

WASHINGTON at NY Giants: Washington is the only team with a winning record that's in the minus for giveaway/takeaway. Jersey/A's defence still gave up their standard 450 yards, but still won the game. Washington is #2 in total offence, Jersey/A is #31 in total defence. It also seems that Washington no longer has trouble turning those yards into points...Redskins by 7

Kansas City at SAN DIEGO: Philly sure did a great job of stopping LT, as he didn't even break double digit rushing yards. KC's run defence is statistically even better than the Eagles, and the Chargers run defence is better than KC's. So don't expect a whole bunch from Priest, Larry, or LT. This one's going to come down to who can exploit the other team's pass defence for more yards. I think it'll be the Bolts, since Trent Green is still not living up to expectations. Superchargers by 7.

MIAMI at New Orleans: Pepto Bismol Upset of the Week. The Marine Mammals and the Aints stack up pretty well against each other in the stats. In fact, I actually had to look at special team stats to decide this one. Seems Miami's quite good at returning punts, plus the turnover margin for New Orleans is not good at all. There's no real homefield advantage here, since this the first game for the Aints at Baton Rouge. Marine Mammals by 3.

PHILADELPHIA at Denver: What a meltdown against Jersey/A. If Denver can play their standard defensive game and not get all panicky and start blitzing like crazy like they did on Jersey/A's last possession, they'll be fine. Philadelphia runs such a predictable offense...Broncos might as well just leave their nickel and dime defences on the field the entire game. Unfortunately, that pass defence isn't good, and the Eagles have the top passing offence, just because they are so pass crazy. Eagles by 3.

TAMPA BAY at San Francisco: Lock of the Week. City of Tampa's turn to beat up on the 49ers, even if they are using Chris Simms. The 49ers are going to 3rd stringer Ken Dorsey. But forget about quarterbacks...either Carnell Williams or Michael Pittman will have big totals after this one anyway. Succaqueers by 21.

Buffalo at NEW ENGLAND: Can't bet against New England at home...Patriots like to throw the ball a lot, but Buffalo's ranked third against the pass. However, if the Pats are ever going to improve their rushing offence, now's the time...Buffalo is 31st in the league against the run. Patriots by 10.

Baltimore at PITTSBURGH: Baltimore now has the worst scoring offence in the league. Pittsburgh now has one of the best. That Baltimore defence can be pretty good, especially against the pass, and maybe they'll pick off a Ben wobbler or two. Or they would if Ed Reed was playing. Jamal Lewis sucks, he has one TD this season, and he's probably going to get embarrassed by an undrafted rookie in this game. Steelers by 13.

I have nothing to say

That's the line I'd typically use to sign people's yearbooks...you know, in junior high and high school, people will sometimes ask you to sign their yearbooks and often expect you to write stuff like "I can't believe we're done Grade 10, where does the time go..." "We'll be best friends forever," "I'll always remember the great times with you, like the time you sat next to me in math class" and other kinds of bullshit. So instead of that, I'd just write "I have nothing to say. --Adam Demaniuk." I'm such a bastard, aren't I?

But really, I have nothing to say, other than good luck to the Strathmore Spartans in the playoffs. I'd consider this their best year since the program started in 1998. They cracked the provincial top 10 for the first time ever, and on Saturday, they will have their first ever home playoff game. Go Spartans! I think Andre might actually be reffing it (he told me he requested the game) so if you're stuck in Strathmore you should go watch and tell him about all the terrible calls he's making. He likes that. And I have a hockey game Sunday at 10 PM at Clare Drake Arena if you Edmonton types are disappointed you missed out on yelling at Andre...you can just come out and yell at me. We switch numbers every game (that's just the Campus Rec way) but you'll be able to figure out when I'm on the ice. Just look for the guy who sucks, that's me!

So I've decided when I have nothing meaningful or interesting to say, I'm just going to post a random picture. Here's my brother standing outside a Dairy Queen. Unfortunately, the haircut was gone less than a week later since the picture was taken in August '02 and we moved into Lister shortly after. I don't think a skullet would have made a good first impression on all those innocent little 11 Mac kids at all.

Ice hockey

My patience is at an end, Craig. What's it at now, 7 in a row?? Jesus!

NFL Week 7

11-3 last week, making it my best so far this season. Ironically, it was the Falcons that cost me the big payday on the point spread ticket this week. Oh well, hopefully the days of laying a goose egg on the sports select tickets are over at least.

KANSAS CITY at Miami: This one's been bumped up to Friday for hurricane reasons. Miami's number two ranked run defence fell to 14th spot after letting Michael Pittman run all over their faces, what's up with that? I wonder what's going to happen when they face Priest and Larry. The good news for the Marine Mammals is that Trent Green hasn't had that breakout game yet, and may be able to win this one if the Chiefs can't get their passing game going yet again. But if they try to run that retarded "line Ricky up like a quarterback play" again (gee, I wonder who's going to carry the ball?) then they'll be in big trouble. Chiefs by 7.

Detroit at CLEVELAND: Jeff Garcia looks to be starting this one, and he is a better quarterback than Joey Harrington, even if he is gay. The reason Cleveland is the pick is because NFC North teams are 0-9 on the road, and the Browns have a 2-0 record so far against that same terrible NFC North division. Browns by 3.

Green Bay at MINNESOTA: Shocking, isn't it? Green Bay could take first place in the division if they win this one and Detroit and Chicago both lose. Houston is the only team that allows more sacks than Minnesota, but Green Bay has only 10 sacks this season. Minnesota is the worst team in the league against the run, but Green Bay never really runs the ball anyway. This one rests solely on Minny's defence...if Culpepper finds himself in a shootout with Favre, he will definitely lose. I hate having to pick between 1-4 teams. Minny Winny by 6.

INDIANAPOLIS at Houston: Lock of the Week. Total mismatch in this one...the best team vs. the worst team. The scary thing is my Seahawks by 35 prediction last week was almost right. So this week, Colts by 35.

NEW ORLEANS at St. Louis: A matchup between two teams with no defence and major injury problems on offence. May the team with the better second string players win. At least the Aints still have their starting QB...the bad news is it's still Aaron Brooks. Aints by 7.

PITTSBURGH at Cincinnati: It seems that the Bengals aren't as good as they were earlier in the season, but they still sit atop the AFC North and will need this one if they want a home playoff game. The Steelers may also be vulnerable to the Bengals passing game...Palmer has the best TD to INT ratio and has the second highest rating in the league. Only Roethlisberger's is higher, so it's really going to be fun to see these two go head to head. It makes me nervous that no defence has been able to pick off any Ben wobblers yet, and Cincinnati leads the league in interceptions. So my cautiously optimistic prediction is Steelers by 3.

San Diego at PHILADELPHIA: Dare I bet against the Eagles at the Linc? McNabb will play through the sports hernia again, so I don't have to worry too much about Koy coming in to screw things up. The Superchargers look better and better almost every week, and Philly's run defence is not the shutout force it used to be. However, Fat Andy is 6-0 after a bye week, and 17-3 in games following a loss. Nobody in the league has a better record than that. Eagles by 7 in a shootout.

San Francisco at WASHINGTON: It's the 49ers...this one isn't even worth looking in to. Redskins by 21.

DALLAS at Seattle: Pepto Bismol Upset of the Week. This will be a great game between two teams that will most likely make the post-season, if their recent play is any indication. I recall this very same game last year on the Monday Nighter...everyone thought I was nuts for picking the Cowboys, but that's what happens when you hang around with a bunch of Seahags homers. None of the teams the Hags have played so far have much of a run defence, with the possible exception of Washington, who the Hags lost to by 3. I'm not convinced that the Seahawks are for real yet, as they have played three teams with winning records and lost to two of them (embarrassingly, the one they did beat was Mike Vick-less Atlanta...) Alexander does have 12 touchdowns, but 8 of them were against Zona and Houston, so they don't count. So Cowboys by 3.

Baltimore at CHICAGO: In terms of total defence, the Nevermores are second in the league and the Bears are third. When you look at passing offence (this one is fall down funny) the Nevermores are #31 and the Bears are #32. It comes down to who's got the better running game...Jamal Lewis has been a shadow of his former self and Thomas Jones is having a great year. Bears by 3.

Buffalo at OAKLAND: Raiders don't like to run the ball much, but they're going to have to since Buffalo is pretty good against the pass. Then again, they haven't played a team with a half-decent passing attack yet. LaMont Jordan has five touchdowns in four games and Buffalo's run defence is now pretty crappy thanks to injuries. Raiders by 7.

DENVER at NY Giants: Jersey/A had a tough overtime loss. Denver has been white hot winning 5 in a row. Broncos seem to have their running game sorted out and are now 3rd in rushing offence. Jersey/A doesn't have much of a defence...might as well keep riding the horse while it's still winning. Broncos by 3.

TENNESSEE at Arizona: I was impressed last week that Tennessee led the Bengals for most of the game. Arizona is coming off a bye, and Kurt Warner may be back this week. Tennessee will win this one if McNair learns to stop throwing TD passes to the other team. That's a pretty big if. Flaming Thumbtacks by 7.

NY Jets at ATLANTA: Good thing Atlanta's defence can score points or they'd be 3-3 right now. And good thing the Saints decided to send 12 men out there on the last play moving Atlanta into field goal range, and then the defensive holding which moved the birds 5 yards closer. Thank God they go back to the Dome this week for the Monday Nighter which just so happens to be against Jersey/B. The key to this game for the Falcons is the pass rush...Falcons have the second most sacks in the league and Jersey/B is 3rd right now for most sacks allowed. Jersey/B also doesn't have much of a rushing defence, and they're going up against the top rushing attack in the league. The loss of TJ Duckett takes away a large part of their scoring offence. Jersey/A is pretty stingy on allowing passing TDs, so Warrick Dunn's going to have to get into the endzone more often than he has so far this season. Falcons by 7.

"Hey baby...want to see my Johnny Unitas Golden Arm Award?"

Here is the portrait of a man who's on pace to throw for 3940 yards and 38 TDs and only 8 INTs this season. The girl he's with is pure evil though...I mean, look at those red eyes. Poor Eli's too drunk to notice it seems...

Anyway, here's what I've seen in my crystal ball:

ATLANTA at New Orleans: Imagine my surprise after paying 10 bucks for the Falcons game and hearing that Vick's not playing. Oh well, it just made it all the more exciting. Here's the only stat you need: since last season, the Falcons are 4-1 in games following a loss. Vick is still listed as questionable right now, which is really annoying, because everyone knows he'll play. The key to this game for the Falcons is to shut down the long passing plays, which they didn't do last week. The Saints just lost their best player, so you should expect to see their offence in shambles this week. Add to that a defence that let a winless team score 52 points on them and this one's pretty obvious. Falcons by 21.

Carolina at DETROIT: Flippy the Coin Special. If the Panties can only beat Zona 24-20, then they're going to run into problems against good teams. The Lions had a nice win over the Ravens. The Panties have a huge weakness in their passing defence, and if Joey Harrington is able to put up more than 97 yards against it, they should be able to win. Ravens surrendered 4 rushing TDs, but Carolina has a much better run defence than Baltimore. Detroit gave up 177 yards on the ground, but no TDs. Panties running game is in shambles with Stephen Davis AND DeShaun Foster out this week. I don't know who to pick, so Flippy picked the Lions for me (by 3.)

CINCINNATI at Tennessee: Tennessee's win last week proved nothing, because the Strathmore Spartans could beat the Houston Texans. I don't know a lot about Tennessee, and I really wish they'd played a good team last week so the choice would be a little bit easier. McNair seems to be doing pretty well for himself, but I think that Cincy's balance passing/rushing attack should be enough to win this one for them. Bengals by 7.

Cleveland at BALTIMORE: I never know when to pick Baltimore, and so far, they are leading in the Team That Screws Me Over category this year. Their pass defence is still solid, and should be able to prevent Trent Dilfer from racking up the yards. Cleveland also ranks 30th in run defence, so it'll be Jamal Lewis' game to lose. Nevermores by 10.

JACKSONVILLE at Pittsburgh: Pittsburgh's got a pretty bad QB situation. Roethlisberger will probably not play, and Maddox's primary job will be to hand the ball off. Jaguars are awful against the run, but they should be able to handle the predictable play calling. Jaguars by 3.

Miami at TAMPA BAY: A boneheaded call by Jon Gruden to kick a field goal trailing 14-9 with 4:05 remaining in the 4th, facing 4th and 4 on the Jersey/B 12 cost them their undefeated record. Even if you miss, you still pin the lack lustre Jersey/B offence deep in their own end. Not that I'm complaining. I'm actually pulling for the Marine Mammals in this one for a change. Miami's run defence is second only to Tampa Bay's, so look for this one to be mostly passing. As far as passing offence, they're pretty much dead even, but give the edge to Tampa on defence. Succaqueers by 7.

Minnesota at CHICAGO: I chose the Bears for this one because NFC North teams so far this season are 0-8 on the road. And what do you know, the Vikings have a sex scandal to deal with now. That's just what they need. I thought I was being very football saavy, originally putting this one as the Pepto, but the bookie also appears to have little faith in the Vikings. Bears by 10.

NY GIANTS at Dallas: I think the win against Philadelphia was somewhat deceptive. We've seen it before...if the Eagles dig themselves a hole early in the game, Fat Andy and the rest of the coaches seem to just give up on the game. The only thing about Jersey/A is that they give up 425 yards a game on defence. As bad as that is, it only translates to 24.5 points a game, and they have the top scoring offence in the league. Jersey/A by 7.

Washington at KANSAS CITY: Washington had 400 yards of offence against Denver and still lost. They've got major problems with putting points up on the board. Their defence is really good, but I still can't say no to Kansas City at home. I'm also hearing about KC getting Willie Roaf back, which will help things out on the O-line in a huge way and will let Trent Green and Priest Holmes finally put up some decent numbers. Chiefs by 3.

NEW ENGLAND at Denver: Pepto Bismol Upset of the Week...What the hell?? The Pats are 2.5 point underdogs in Denver of all places. Might have something to do with the Patriots being ranked 29th in scoring defence. Denver will be hungry for the win to prove once and for all that they are contenders this year. Let's see if Tom Brady can save his team from losing again. Patriots by 3.

NY Jets at BUFFALO: Okay, I take it back. J.P. Losman sucks. Penalties by Miami's defence gave Buffalo the win last week. Jersey/B has an O-Line that's actually worse than Buffalo's, as hard as that is to believe, so as long as they keep Vinny on his back, they should be able to hold on to win this one. Bills by 7.

SAN DIEGO at Oakland: Oakland has a half-decent run defence, but that might be because they haven't had to face Tomlinson yet. San Diego allows 240 passing yards per game, which ranks them 26th in the league. Randy Moss and Cocaine Collins will probably have a big day. This one seems like it's going to be a shootout, with the Superchargers winning by 7.

Houston at SEATTLE: Lock of the Week. Seattle is actually one of those few teams with a balanced passing and rushing attack. Houston can't seem to defend either the pass or the rush, so it doesn't really matter anyway. Texans are also on pace to obliterate the league record in sacks allowed. Seahags by 35.

St. Louis at INDIANAPOLIS: Indianapolis leads in almost every statistical category in the NFL. Compare that with Les Mouflons, who are really nothing special. Bulger has thrown for the most yards so far, but Indy's defence has only allowed 2 passing TDs all season. Plus, Bulger has been sacked 20 times already and is going up against one of the better D-Lines. They may also be missing Torry Holt for this one. Les Mouflons only rush for 83 yards a game on average, so they won't be able to count on that either. Colts by 21.

Thanksgiving Debauchery

I'm back now and almost fully recovered from my weekend in the 934. Last night, I went to Boston Pizza and met up with Meghan Boiteau, Sarah, Jamie, Blobra, Mick, and Warren. I only managed to have three $2.00 pints before they kicked us out. What kind of bar closes at 11:00? Then again, what kind of people get trashed on a Sunday? Anyway, we went to the liquor store after that, and in a brilliant burst of insight, I figured since a 6-pack was probably too much to drink in the time left, why not just get a 40? Yeah, bright idea. So we took the Colt 45 and went to Sarah's, and then moved the party over to Mick's. From there, things just started getting out of control, as Mick was trying to get an orgy going, encouraging Meghan and Sarah to touch tongues, but I wouldn't know if anything actually happened, as I was constantly running out of the house and going to barf on the curb in front of the house, and then covering it up with leaves. I walked home with Warren shortly after finishing the 40, and slept till 11. Then, after talking to Ralph on the big white phone, I packed up and headed home.

I also got a fair amount of football in this weekend. I went to the Spartans game, and Bastable Stadium was actually full. Blobra and I volunteered to be the stick crew, and doing that gives you the best seats in the house. It was fun to scream at the defence when they're about 10 feet in front of you. Blobra and I looked at each other a few times, asking when the hell the Spartans got a passing game, and a run defence. It's so awesome to watch a team that has both a running game and a passing game, since the Falcons and Smos lack one or the other. Spartans ended up winning 26-8, improving their record to 3-2-1 on the season, and all but assured them their first home playoff berth in team history. This is the year we're going to state, I can feel it. They just need a kicker and they've got it made. Go Spartans!

I watched the Falcons game on Sunday and they lost 31-28. But I don't think I've ever been so proud of any team after a loss as I was after that one. They played the Superbowl Champs for all 60 minutes with their backup QB Matt Schaub. Schaub was excellent, throwing for 298 yards and 3 TDs, no picks. The other good thing was that the Bucs also lost, so this loss doesn't have too big of an impact on the standings.

The Smos also won today, and it seems they've finally got a running back they're willing to stick with...Troy Davis. Davis rushed for over 100 yards today. This was a must win game for Les Eskimaux since they are now 2 points ahead of Saskatchewan and 4 points ahead of Calgary in the standings.

Also, intramural hockey starts a week from now, and my intramural flag football team is 3-0 and playoff bound with one game left to play. Woohoo!

And I can't fricken wait for October to end since football reffing is eating up a substantial amount of my free time. It might also have something to do with the fact that I have 5 Oiler games in November. That's right, 5.

NFL Week 5

I'm heading out to Strathmore tomorrow. I'm expecting it to be a weekend of drunken debauchery. It seems that any time I go to Strathmore I spend about 70 bucks on booze. For example, I blew my entire booze budget for 3 months in a single night when I was down there last November. That was the night that Blobra passed out on the sidewalk and some strangers came by in their car and dropped his drunk ass off at his doorstep. The only thing is that I have a midterm coming up on Tuesday that I should probably do some studying for at some point, but I'm not too concerned. I went to the Oilers game on Wednesday which was a blast, but obviously, my IMIN 371 profs are not hockey fans, since they scheduled a midterm the next day. I've decided if I have a midterm the day after Superbowl again this year, I'm deferring it, no matter what.

Also, for any of you who read Funny Head Cam's blog, you should pay him a visit and tell him not to kill himself. Me, I don't think he has the guts to go through with it, that emo little bugger.

BALTIMORE at Detroit: That was highway robbery...the Lions should have won in Tampa. The football Gods owe them one. Unfortunately, it won't be this one. The Ravens will prove that their win last week wasn't just luck. Ravens by 7.

Chicago at CLEVELAND: The only reason I'm picking the Browns is because Trent Dilfer has thrown for quite a few yards this season. They can't seem to turn those passing yards into points, but at least they've got some kind of offence, unlike the Bears. Browns by 3.

MIAMI at Buffalo: So much for Buffalo's vaunted defence. They look shaky against teams with a good pass rush, and Miami happens to be one of them. Fish by 7.

NEW ENGLAND at Atlanta: Vick's constant injuries are beginning to remind me of the good/bad old days when the dirty birds had Christal Chandilier as their QB. The big question this week is can the champs lose two in a row? Can they go below .500? I don't think it's possible. Atlanta is very good at home, but quarterbacks who don't play the Patriots that often always struggle. The keys to this game for the Falcons is their passing offence and pass defence. The Pats O-Line isn't swiss cheese like Minnesota's or Buffalo's, so they'll have to rely on the secondary this time around. The Patriots running game is dead last in the league, so that should allow the Falcons to drop linebackers Keith Brooking and Demorrio Williams into pass coverage more often (Brooking had an INT last week). While the Falcons pass defence is ranked 9th in the league at the moment, their passing offence is ranked 30th, just ahead of Buffalo and Houston, and believe it or not, Vick is on pace to throw for fewer yards this season than last. The Patriots have a ton of questionables on their injury report, and the Falcons have only Vick listed as probable. He hasn't practiced all week and his running ability may be impaired. Even though they may be vulnerable to Dunn and Duckett since they let LaDainian run all over their faces last week, I think it'll still be Patriots by 7.

New Orleans at GREEN BAY: Pretty impressive almost comeback against the Panties, so I think the frustration ends here. If they can come so close against the Panties, they should be able to pull one off at Lambeau against the Aints. Pack by 7.

SEATTLE at St. Louis: Pepto Bismol Upset of the Week. I think this is a pretty risky pick, since the Seahags were beaten 3 times by Les Mouflons last year, twice in the regular season and once in the playoffs. Seattle is coming off a road loss from last week where their D really blew it in overtime, as the Skins faced 3rd and 10 twice. Honestly now, what kind of coach blitzes six on 3rd and 10? Even if they can't get any kind of passing game going, they've got one of the best RBs in the league. Seahawks by 2.

TAMPA BAY at NY Jets: New Jersey's B-Team is ranked last in scoring offence, and they'll remain there as long as this quarterback charade keeps up. This week will be one for Vinny to knock the rust off and nothing more. The Sucs will have no trouble disposing of them, even if Cadillac doesn't play, and even though they almost blew it against the Lions, Succaqueers by 21. They go 5-0, and I throw up more than just a little bit in my mouth...

Tennessee at HOUSTON: Houston looked good against a very good Bengals team, holding them within a touchdown. I've really got no other reason other than that for picking the Cow Skulls...they're still a terrible football team. But I needed to throw some home teams into the picks...I know the dangers of picking too many visiting teams in a week. Texans by 3.

INDIANAPOLIS at San Francisco: (Lock) Alex Smith is in for a rather rude welcoming into the league. San Francisco's offence couldn't get anything done agaisnt Zona and don't look now, but the Colts are number one in scoring defence. The Niners? Dead last. Colts by 28.

CAROLINA at Arizona: To all you folks out there who play Pro-Line, Carolina has been involved in three 3-point contests this season. They always seem to be in the really close games against teams they should be beating easily. It seems that betting on the tie when the Panties are playing is a sure-fire way to make money. So just for that, I'm going to say Panties by 3.

PHILADELPHIA at Dallas: Philadelphia doesn't lose to NFC East opponents, and Dallas looks like they are running out of gas already. I was about to say that Philadelphia badly needs to fix their running game, but they're first in passing offence anyway, so it's not really important. The only chance Dallas has in this one is to break T.O.'s leg again. Eagles by 14.

Washington at DENVER: Redskins are a surprise 3-0 team. It's only a matter of time before their luck starts running out...after all, they have Mark Brunell in at quarterback, and Denver looks like they're still one of the better teams in the AFC at the moment. Broncos by 14.

CINCINNATI at Jacksonville: Chad Johnson's trash talk will probably inspire the Jags to make this a closer game than it should be. Jaguars need to fix their running game in a big way before they can become a playoff contender. Bengals by 1. That's right, 1.

Pittsburgh at SAN DIEGO: I think Marty has figured out what every idiot armchair coach in America has been saying all along. Give the ball to LaDainian. Seems to be working so far. Antonio Gates isn't so bad either. If Pittsburgh can take away the run, then they'll be the ones running away with this game, but I highly doubt they'll be able to. Superchargers by 3.

NFL Week 4

BUFFALO at New Orleans: If the Bills crappy offensive line can give Losman more than two seconds to throw the ball, then they wouldn't make him look so crappy as well. Buffalo has had some losses on D, but the Super Saints look like they're finally coming back down to earth. If the hype hasn't died down by the end of this game, I'll be shocked. Bills by 7.

DENVER at Jacksonville: My Flippy the Coin special this week. Denver was dominant against the Chiefs to the extent that they look like they think they are a playoff team. Jacksonville is at home. Flippy likes the Broncos, so I'll say they'll win by 3. Jags are 4 point favourites, so make this one the Pepto as well.

Detroit at TAMPA BAY: The Pack only managed 16 points against the Sucs' defence, and that was at Lambeau. It will be 9 times worse for the Lions at Raymond James. Sucs start 4-0, and I throw up a little bit in my mouth. Succaqueers by 10.

Houston at CINCINNATI: Cool, the Bengals can play defence too! They're the first team in 34 years to record 5 interceptions in a game! Think they can do it again? David Carr sucks, so there's a chance. Bengals by 24. Lock of the Week.

INDIANAPOLIS at Tennessee: Titans played the Colts very tough last year and pulled out all their trick plays. This one could be close as well, but as usual, the Colts find a way to win. Colts by 4.

San Diego at NEW ENGLAND: Nobody expected them to win against the Steelers. The question this week is how badly the loss of Rodney Harrison will affect them. If they keep using Tomlinson often like they did in New York, they should make this close or better, but I just can't pick against the Pats at home. Patriots by 3.

SEATTLE at Washington: Seahawks aren't a very good road team. Washington is kind of an unknown for me, but even though I don't think very much of him, I'll take Hasselbeck over Brunell, and Shaun Alexander had a huge game last week. I believe the Seahawks have the personnel to shut down Santana Moss too, so they'll be able to avoid the 4th quarter comeback. Seahawks by 3.

St. Louis at NY GIANTS: Young Eli is putting up better numbers than Peyton, but we'll see just how long that lasts. The Giants have to play better defence, but even if they don't, I think the Rams D is worse. I'll take the Giants by 7 in a shootout.

N.Y. Jets at BALTIMORE: The quarterback situation for the Jets is a mess, and they will have to choose between the inexperienced quarterback and the rusty old-balls quarterback. Granted, the QB situation in Baltimore isn't much better, but Anthony Wright at least has a game and a half experience and the bye week to prepare. I haven't given up on the Ravens defence yet, and the final score in this one should be 6-3 for the Ravens, or something like that.

Dallas at OAKLAND: The Cowboys didn't put up a very inspiring performance against the 49ers, and if they get burned twice by the Mark Brunell/Santana Moss tandem, the Kerry Collins/Randy Moss tandem will be much worse for them. Raiders should have won last week, but were beat by an injured kicker. Raiders by 14.

Minnesota at ATLANTA: Culpepper finally has a good game, but it was against New Orleans' crappy secondary. I'm glad it happened last week instead of this week, so Atlanta doesn't get the big surprise. The keys to this game for the Falcons are Rod Coleman and Patrick Kerney, since Culpepper was sacked 7 times last week. And as always, the running game will be important. Falcons by 10.

PHILADELPHIA at Kansas City: Chiefs are 1.5 point favourites. Methinks the bookie knows something most don't (as is usually the case...) Maybe the McNabb injury is more serious than everyone thinks. Eagles have lost their kicking game, but I think good kickers in football are a dime a dozen (unless you have Sebastian Janikowski on your team) so I don't think this will be a huge problem. Besides, they'll score plenty of touchdowns anyway. Eagles by 13.

SAN FRANCISCO at Arizona: I think this marks the first time I've ever picked the 49ers to win a game. This is another crap vs. crap game. Might as well go with the 49ers...they swept the Cards last year, and if they're going to win another game this season, I think it's this one. I can't believe they had 1st and goal on the Dallas 1 and settled for a field goal...those 4 points would have put them at 2-1. 49ers also won't have their home crowd there to boo them, and Arizona isn't used to playing in front of people. 49ers by 7.

Green Bay at CAROLINA: A missed extra point has the Pack starting 0-3. The Panties, even though they got beat by the Fish, should win this one fairly easily, as it seems Green Bay has no run defence at all. I don't think that even Jake Delhomme could screw it up for them. Panties by 10.