NFL Week 5

I'm heading out to Strathmore tomorrow. I'm expecting it to be a weekend of drunken debauchery. It seems that any time I go to Strathmore I spend about 70 bucks on booze. For example, I blew my entire booze budget for 3 months in a single night when I was down there last November. That was the night that Blobra passed out on the sidewalk and some strangers came by in their car and dropped his drunk ass off at his doorstep. The only thing is that I have a midterm coming up on Tuesday that I should probably do some studying for at some point, but I'm not too concerned. I went to the Oilers game on Wednesday which was a blast, but obviously, my IMIN 371 profs are not hockey fans, since they scheduled a midterm the next day. I've decided if I have a midterm the day after Superbowl again this year, I'm deferring it, no matter what.

Also, for any of you who read Funny Head Cam's blog, you should pay him a visit and tell him not to kill himself. Me, I don't think he has the guts to go through with it, that emo little bugger.

BALTIMORE at Detroit: That was highway robbery...the Lions should have won in Tampa. The football Gods owe them one. Unfortunately, it won't be this one. The Ravens will prove that their win last week wasn't just luck. Ravens by 7.

Chicago at CLEVELAND: The only reason I'm picking the Browns is because Trent Dilfer has thrown for quite a few yards this season. They can't seem to turn those passing yards into points, but at least they've got some kind of offence, unlike the Bears. Browns by 3.

MIAMI at Buffalo: So much for Buffalo's vaunted defence. They look shaky against teams with a good pass rush, and Miami happens to be one of them. Fish by 7.

NEW ENGLAND at Atlanta: Vick's constant injuries are beginning to remind me of the good/bad old days when the dirty birds had Christal Chandilier as their QB. The big question this week is can the champs lose two in a row? Can they go below .500? I don't think it's possible. Atlanta is very good at home, but quarterbacks who don't play the Patriots that often always struggle. The keys to this game for the Falcons is their passing offence and pass defence. The Pats O-Line isn't swiss cheese like Minnesota's or Buffalo's, so they'll have to rely on the secondary this time around. The Patriots running game is dead last in the league, so that should allow the Falcons to drop linebackers Keith Brooking and Demorrio Williams into pass coverage more often (Brooking had an INT last week). While the Falcons pass defence is ranked 9th in the league at the moment, their passing offence is ranked 30th, just ahead of Buffalo and Houston, and believe it or not, Vick is on pace to throw for fewer yards this season than last. The Patriots have a ton of questionables on their injury report, and the Falcons have only Vick listed as probable. He hasn't practiced all week and his running ability may be impaired. Even though they may be vulnerable to Dunn and Duckett since they let LaDainian run all over their faces last week, I think it'll still be Patriots by 7.

New Orleans at GREEN BAY: Pretty impressive almost comeback against the Panties, so I think the frustration ends here. If they can come so close against the Panties, they should be able to pull one off at Lambeau against the Aints. Pack by 7.

SEATTLE at St. Louis: Pepto Bismol Upset of the Week. I think this is a pretty risky pick, since the Seahags were beaten 3 times by Les Mouflons last year, twice in the regular season and once in the playoffs. Seattle is coming off a road loss from last week where their D really blew it in overtime, as the Skins faced 3rd and 10 twice. Honestly now, what kind of coach blitzes six on 3rd and 10? Even if they can't get any kind of passing game going, they've got one of the best RBs in the league. Seahawks by 2.

TAMPA BAY at NY Jets: New Jersey's B-Team is ranked last in scoring offence, and they'll remain there as long as this quarterback charade keeps up. This week will be one for Vinny to knock the rust off and nothing more. The Sucs will have no trouble disposing of them, even if Cadillac doesn't play, and even though they almost blew it against the Lions, Succaqueers by 21. They go 5-0, and I throw up more than just a little bit in my mouth...

Tennessee at HOUSTON: Houston looked good against a very good Bengals team, holding them within a touchdown. I've really got no other reason other than that for picking the Cow Skulls...they're still a terrible football team. But I needed to throw some home teams into the picks...I know the dangers of picking too many visiting teams in a week. Texans by 3.

INDIANAPOLIS at San Francisco: (Lock) Alex Smith is in for a rather rude welcoming into the league. San Francisco's offence couldn't get anything done agaisnt Zona and don't look now, but the Colts are number one in scoring defence. The Niners? Dead last. Colts by 28.

CAROLINA at Arizona: To all you folks out there who play Pro-Line, Carolina has been involved in three 3-point contests this season. They always seem to be in the really close games against teams they should be beating easily. It seems that betting on the tie when the Panties are playing is a sure-fire way to make money. So just for that, I'm going to say Panties by 3.

PHILADELPHIA at Dallas: Philadelphia doesn't lose to NFC East opponents, and Dallas looks like they are running out of gas already. I was about to say that Philadelphia badly needs to fix their running game, but they're first in passing offence anyway, so it's not really important. The only chance Dallas has in this one is to break T.O.'s leg again. Eagles by 14.

Washington at DENVER: Redskins are a surprise 3-0 team. It's only a matter of time before their luck starts running out...after all, they have Mark Brunell in at quarterback, and Denver looks like they're still one of the better teams in the AFC at the moment. Broncos by 14.

CINCINNATI at Jacksonville: Chad Johnson's trash talk will probably inspire the Jags to make this a closer game than it should be. Jaguars need to fix their running game in a big way before they can become a playoff contender. Bengals by 1. That's right, 1.

Pittsburgh at SAN DIEGO: I think Marty has figured out what every idiot armchair coach in America has been saying all along. Give the ball to LaDainian. Seems to be working so far. Antonio Gates isn't so bad either. If Pittsburgh can take away the run, then they'll be the ones running away with this game, but I highly doubt they'll be able to. Superchargers by 3.