NFL Week 13

Mwhahahahahahaha...

13-3 last week, 110-66 (.625) overall.

Atlanta at CAROLINA: I wonder if the Falcons can get John Fox fired too? This is a really big game for both teams. Despite a lack lustre performance from Mike Vick on Thursday, his ranking among quarterbacks continues to climb as he now sits 16th in the league in passer rating. The key to the game for the Falcons is pass defence, which hasn't been very good up to this point. We've seen what teams with good pass defence (Buffalo and Chicago) can do to the Panties, and I like the Steve Smith/DeAngelo Hall matchup, but that won't be enough to stop the Panties. If the defence isn't up to it, the Falcons passing offence will have to beat them in a shootout and we'll have to see Vick's pocket passing act again (Vick has a 117.2 rating against the Panties.) The main stat to be worried about here is that the Panties have never been able to beat the Falcons when Vick's in the game and the Falcons have won 12 of the last 14 meetings. The Falcons have also won 4 in a row on the road, their only road loss happening in week two to Seattle. However, the Panties have won 4 in a row at home. And last week, I mentioned the importance of scoring first. The Falcons are now 6-0 when they score first...the Panties are 7-0 when they score first. The verdict? It's possible, but doubtful. Panties by 4.

Buffalo at MIAMI: The Marine Mammals really need to stick with what works in this game, and that's the running game. Buffalo's run defence is 31st in the league, but the Miami coaches will probably insist on going to the air against the 5th ranked pass defence more than they should. They should have no trouble stopping Losman, and they'll be able to focus their efforts on McGahee. Marine Mammals by 3.

Cincinnati at PITTSBURGH: Cincy let the Nevermores score four touchdowns on them in about13 minutes...surprising when you consider Baltimore's offence. Pittsburgh won the first match in this series, and that was in Cincinnati. No reason to think they won't do it again, especially with a healthy Roethlisberger. Steelers by 10.

Dallas at NY GIANTS: Rushing offence and defence are pretty much the same here, and so is passing offence, but the Cowboys have a huge advantage on pass defence. I'm going with Jersey/A because they put up 27.5 points a game on offence and that might be a bit of a mountain for the Cowboys to climb. Jersey/A by 4.

Green Bay at CHICAGO: The Bears are back at #1 in pass defence, so the Pack appears to be doomed. I think the Bears are lucky that their offence hasn't lost them more games this season, but with the Pack's 23rd ranked rush defence, I don't think it will happen in this game either. Bears by 3.

Houston at BALTIMORE: Unbelieveable what the Moo Cows will do to lose these days...The Nevermores did well for themselves by keeping Carson Palmer in the game, even when the Bengals were up by 34. I think they should be able to beat the Moo Cows, since their defence isn't Le Suck the same way the Rams defence is. Nevermores by 7.

JACKSONVILLE at Cleveland: Leftwich is gone, but the Jags playoff hopes didn't necessarily go down with him, given their schedule. Reuben Droughns will be the difference here, and if the Browns are going to win, they'd better keep the ball on the ground. However, the Jags defence will be their saving grace, as they allow the 3rd least points per game, right behind Chicago and Indy. Jags by 7.

MINNESOTA at Detroit: The Cowardly Lions are sans head coach and all of a sudden Detroit looks like Minnesota did three weeks ago. Firing the head coach in the middle of the season is a really good indication that the franchise is in shambles. They could win this one if they had a half-decent running back. Minny Winny by 7.

TAMPA BAY at New Orleans: The Aints always play the Succaqueers tough, so it should be closer than one would think. Passing offence was the key to last week's win for the Aints as Brooks threw for 3 TDs and no picks, but the Succaqueers should be able to take that element of the game away from them. I'm pretty sure the Succaqueers' offence will be able to pull it off since they managed 310 yards against the Bears and would have won if Matt Bryant could kick a 29 yard field goal. Succaqueers by 10.

Tennessee at INDIANPOLIS: Lock of the Week. The Flaming Thumbtacks allow a ton of points in every game, so this should be a mess for them. Colts by 20.

ARIZONA at San Francisco: Looks like Mexico City is going to sweep the Squared Sevens to make up for last season, when the Squared Sevens swept them. They both suck, but the Cardinals have a large advantage on offence in this one. Mexico City by 7.

WASHINGTON at St. Louis: So some Harvard quarterback comes into the game and leads Les Mouflons over the Moo Cows. Hell, I think if I had Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt on my team, I could go in at QB and get a win over the Moo Cows. Les Mouflons allow 29.7 points a game and they don't have much of a run defence. Redskins by 7.

DENVER at Kansas City: This one pits the #2 rushing offence against the #5 rushing defence, and the #4 rushing offence vs. the #1 rushing defence so look for a lot of passing here. In passing offence, KC has the advantage, and they're both pretty bad in terms of pass defence (Denver 28th, KC 29th.) However, I'm thinking that Denver's superior scoring defence will win it for them. I realize how good KC can be at home, but the bookie shows the Broncos no respect here as they're only 0.5 point favourites. Broncos by 7.

NY Jets at NEW ENGLAND: Jersey/B is very very good on pass defence (though Mike Vicks 116 yard 3 INT effort might be skewing the stats...) Bollinger had a pretty inspiring effort against the 5th ranked pass defence last week, throwing for 251 yards and a TD, no picks, and New England's pass defence is 31st. But the Patriots win because their running backs will have no trouble with Jersey/B. 9.5 point spread for NE is way too high as usual. Patriots by 7.

Oakland at SAN DIEGO: Survived a scare in Washington last week, and Tomlinson's 41 yard OT touchdown was enough to cover the spread for me (thank God.) Oakland's rush defence is similar to Washington's and while we shouldn't expect another 181 yard 3 TD performance from LT, we shouldn't rule it out either. The only problem is that at some point during the game, some poor Superchargers defender will be scorched by Randy Moss. It won't be a problem for them if they only let it happen once or twice. Superchargers by 10.

SEATTLE at Philadelphia: The Seahawks are off to their best start since 1984 (coincidentally, that was the last time they won a playoff game...) I rarely pick against the Eagles at home (especially on Monday Night) but Seahags have the best offence in the league and the Eagles have the 25th ranked defence. The only problem is that the Seahawks have snatched victory from the jaws of defeat two weeks in a row now as (thankfully) former Falcon kicker Jay Feely missed three game-winning field goals which makes me wonder how much longer they can stay lucky. Seahags by 7.