NFL Week 14

Hahaha...I never get tired of posting pictures of sad Eagles fans, but I felt it was appropriate this week given their 42-0 disaster. I have no idea when this one was taken, but I'm sure this was the general feeling of the crowd at Lincoln Financial Field last Monday.

14-2 last week, 124-68 overall.

Chicago at PITTSBURGH: This is going to be another very low scoring contest. Steelers need this one if they still want to make the playoffs. They win because their fast defence forces Kyle Orton to make mistakes, and they have a good answer to Chicago's running game. Steelers by 3.

Cleveland at CINCINNATI: Lock of the Week. Cincinnati can clinch the division with a win and a Steelers loss. Cleveland's run defence is 27th so expect Rudi Johnson to have a big game. I hope the Browns let Charlie Frye play out the rest of the season...he had a great game last week, and Trent Dilfer is showing everyone why he was Matt Hasselbeck's backup. Bengals by 21.

Houston at TENNESSEE: The Moo Cows' have lost their last two despite leading with 30 seconds left in the game. The only player on the Texans with any promise is Dominick Davis, but the Flaming Thumbtacks have the 10th ranked run defence. The only thing is they've lost 6 straight home games to divisional opponents. Flaming Thumbtacks by 6.

INDIANAPOLIS at Jacksonville: It's really, really too bad Leftwich isn't playing or I might be picking the Jags as the Pepto of the year. The Jags have now won 5 straight, they haven't been swept by the Colts in the past three seasons and their defence only allows an average of one more yard per game more than the Colts. Lucky Charms by 7, but I refuse to touch this game on Sports Select.

New England at BUFFALO: Pepto Bismol Upset of the Week. I shouldn't do this after what happened to the Bills last week. Leading 23-17 with six seconds to play, the Bills drop seven into coverage, but third-string cornerback Jabari Greer is left to single cover Chris Chambers who at that point had 14 catches for 234 yards. Three Buffalo defenders stood their watching Jabari try to save the day, covering no one. Ye Gods! That game dropped Buffalo's pass defence quite a bit in the rankings, but I know they're better than that. It will come down to whose running game is better, and I like McGahee over Dillon, or whoever's lining up at RB for the Patriots these days. The Patriots had a really good game last week, but they're very inconsistent and never seem to put the same team on the field two weeks in a row. Bills by 3.

OAKLAND at NY Jets: Cocaine Collins is officially benched. This is only the second career start for Marques Tuiasosopo and he's only ever completed 28 passes in 5 seasons, none of them for touchdowns. I hope Norv Turner knows what he's doing, because it sure doesn't look like it. Jets have the 6th ranked pass defence, but 29th ranked run defence, so the Raiders will have to run the ball for a change. Raiders by 3.

St. Louis at MINNESOTA: Brad Johnson is still unbeaten (shudder...) and Ryan Fitzpatrick is proving that pretty much any QB can beat the Moo Cows. Both teams have terrible defences, but the Rams' is worse. I'm picking the Vikings just because Les Mouflons have lost the last nine of eleven road games. Vikings by 6, in a high scoring contest.

Tampa Bay at CAROLINA: These teams stack up really close to each other. The Panties have the 23rd offence and 4th defence and the Succaqueers have the 24th offence and 2nd ranked defence. I'm going with the Panties because they're at home and because the last meeting between these teams was a 34-14 Panties win. Panties by 7.

NY GIANTS at Philadelphia: This one is all going to depend on how pissed off the Eagles are following that Monday night debacle. I would normally have predicted a Philadelphia blowout, but there have just been too many injuries to this team. Plus the Jersey/A offence is much like Seattle's in that they can both run and pass. Jersey/A by 10.

San Francisco at SEATTLE: So the Seahawks blew out Philly 42-0 in Philly. So what. Mike McMahon threw two touchdown passes...to Seattle defenders. Like I said, the Seahawks are not getting anything out of this cupcake schedule. To beat teams with winning records, they needed a Mike Vick injury, some vintage Drew Bledsoe, and an epic chokefest by Jay Feely. But enough about the Seahawks, I'm just goddamn sick of hearing about how great they are. They keep the wins going in this one, but San Fran did lose the last one by only two points. Seahawks by 10.

WASHINGTON at Arizona: The Cardinals are looking a lot like the Eagles used to. #1 passing offence and #32 rushing offence. But Washington's pass defence is ranked 10th and I think they'll be able to figure out what kind of plays they're going to call. Joe Gibbs is also 20-4 all time against Arizona. Redskins by 7.

Baltimore at DENVER: The Nevermores have lost nine in a row on the road. They might have a shot at this if Kyle Boller wasn't such a bitter disappointment, but since he is, Broncos by 13.

KANSAS CITY at Dallas: Here are two teams that seem to be headed in opposite directions. Seems like defences are figuring out that Bledsoe still hangs on to the ball too long and is still as mobile as a statue. That act was fine until the Cowboys got some injuries to their O-Line. Meanwhile, the Chiefs seem to be coming together nicely. They've won three straight and Larry Johnson has run for 470 yards in those three games. Chiefs by 3.

Miami at SAN DIEGO: The Marine Mammals run defence is 23rd...not good enough to stop Tomlinson. Gus Frerotte may be able to prove that he still deserves to be the starting QB against San Diego's secondary, but the Chargers run defence is #1, which takes away a big part of Miami's offence. Chargers by 10.

Detroit at GREEN BAY: The Lions haven't swept the Packers in 14 seasons, and given how they're in shambles, and that they've lost 13 straight at Lambeau, I strongly doubt it's going to happen now. And when Jeff Garcia only throws for 162 yards and a pick against Minnesota, that's really pathetic. The Packers were looking good against the Bears until Favre threw a touchdown pass to the other team and the Bears covered the spread, killing the Sports Select ticket. They'll win quite easily if they can win the turnover battle. Packers by 14.

New Orleans at ATLANTA: Every game is a must-win game now for the Falcons. I'm almost hesitant to bring this up...but you know Mike Vick's record that used to be perfect against Carolina? It's also perfect against the Saints (4-0). Saints have also lost 6 straight Monday night games. Contrary to what Weeds suggested, the defence did all that they could do against the Panties, but the offence gave them no help in trying to win the field position game in the fourth quarter. The game was still well within reach for the Falcons as it was only14-6, but in four fourth quarter possessions, the Falcons gained 26 net yards of offence and ended two of those possessions with an INT. It also seemed like I could call better plays from my couch. Who the hell calls an end around on 4th and 1? I also don't understand why they had Vick throwing the ball 35 times in a game where Warrick Dunn should be seeing 25-30 carries. Sure the Panties have the second ranked run defence, but Dunn was doing fine against them. Know how many times Dunn saw the ball in the 4th quarter? ZERO, while Vick went 3 for 11 passing. And like I said, it was a one score game...there was no reason to abandon the run and go pass crazy. Anyway, Falcons by 7.